Thursday, December 17, 2009

Highliner Drinkin'

My bar in Westbrook is the Highliner. I love that place. It is a classy dive bar. I love all the bartenders and they love me. I just figured its been a while since I had any halfway decent story so I am gonna write about my fav CT bar.

So one night as I was enjoying fine drinks at the HL. I saw one of the Denny's waitresses I had the lovely time of flirting and making outrageously sexed up claims with while I was drunk. She asked Matt T and I if our meal was satisfying and of course I blurt out "Not Sexually!" We hit it off I asked for her number blah blah hit her up once and a while nothing more.

So back to the HL she comes in give me a hug and we talk and thus begins the boozin. We do shots of jameson and talk and having a good time. One of the conversations leads to talking about loving womens breast milk. If you know me I am avid fan of lactating women. She was like Anthony I thought u were a nice guy. She of course has no idea. Later on the eve she sprayed this delicious scent on her breasts and let me motorboat her good times.

I eventually at the end of the evening did prove I was a good guy by following her home as she drove to make sure she got there fine. She knew I was following her. For some reason everyone asks that questions everytime i tell that part of the story. I love the highliner and some good stories do happen there.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Change dont come easy

The best way I know how to resolve any internal struggle is to write it down. Whether the pain is good or bad I still find the need to write it all down. Right now the pain is bad fiercely bad. My little brother has been to two rehabs and currently just failed his latest drug test and thus in violation of his parole. Currently he is staying with me in CT and I talk to him a lot. I want him to get better. My parents are frustrated and don’t know what to do exactly. I don’t know what to do. When I talk to him I try to figure out the why to his drug problem. I don’t seem to be getting anywhere with that. All I can hope for is a spark to change.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Life's not fair but you know that

I think this is the most therapeutic way I know how to deal with things. There has been so much going on the last couple of weeks and months I honestly do not know where to begin. I guess no time like the present.

I am pretty much hurting right now. I have not felt this way in a very very long time. It sucks. I closed a chapter in my life I was not ready to. That chapter brought me a lot of happiness and I hope I brought it some too. I know for a fact they are not feeling as crummy as I am and I think that hurts the most. Knowing that you give everything to someone and they don’t have to give you themselves in return is a very dangerous thing. Love is a very dangerous thing. I think back to all my crushes to all the women that have “had” my heart and I realize that I never made things easy on myself. All the women that I have pine for and that I know I could never have has never stopped me from trying. The women that I could have and wanted me are the same who I treated with disrespect and not a care.

This time was different. She said she cared for me. That she liked me and at the end she said she loved me too. Yet, I had to push her away.

Friday, November 6, 2009

The Bubblies

I find that my colon’s kryptonite is that of the wing variety, from hot to honey. Give me any amount of those delicious little fowls and I am likely to fellate the lot of you. However these little birds pay me back from beyond the grave with Bettlejuice insanity on my rectum. They bestow upon me the little gift known as the bubblies.

One of the most terrifying feelings in the world is the bubblies. You know what I mean. It starts with a small rumble/stomach gargle, then your brow and upper lip start to perspire as if you were just caught cheating on your wife. Like lighting it hits you that this shit is going down quicker than Justin Guarini’s music career.

It started early one October morning around 5am. A night of a wing feast to end all wing feasts had me soundly asleep. Instead of rumbles and gargles, my stomach was at war with itself…300 style. My stomach was hit with an invisible hot knife. Sweat began to bead off my face like a fat kid waiting at the ice cream truck on a hot summer day. I said to myself its nothing…sleep it off. My mind kicked me one more time in a stomach as if to say “Who are you kidding?!”.

I sprang to life, being that I sleep naked I had to find something to cover myself up before making my break to the bathroom. It was a frantic search for shorts and a t shirt. All the while my stomach kept on churning. I raced to the first bathroom only to find it occupied. I cursed the mighty Zeus for that. I felt the onslaught of shit coming quicker then one of my premature ejaculations. I raced to the second bathroom. I barely had time to position my cheeks over the throne as a hot stream of waste slide out my buttock. Pain and sweat was written over my face as I stared at myself in the mirror taking this mighty dump. As I type this now I tremble for the memories I tried to repress from that morning. It was one of the roughest moments of my life. I got up after barely surviving the rape of my digestive tract. My legs were weak from the fight and stomach hinting at the fact that there might be a second wave. I looked down to see the orange goo that laid in the bowl that could only be describe as gallons of what I could only imagine that Gerber carrot baby food looks like. I flushed and as I watch mounts of liquefied wings go down I was relived.

In close FDR said, “All we have to fear is fear itself.” Ladies and Gentlemen I add to that we also must also fear the bubblies. For like the Koreans, they can strike at any time and any hour.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Mad Updates Yo

I can’t really remember all the short stories but there have been a lot of them since the last time I posted. These are not in chronological order. I just needed like a catch up post so here it is.

Ant pushes down a pregnant chick.
We were at some bar in Hoboken and we see some big chick. My first reaction is to ask her if she really is pregnant. Everyone suggested this was not the right course of action. Shaun however asked her, “What trimester was she in?” She answered to our surprise. Our next question was going to be why she is then out at a bar and drinking on top of that. We decided against this. She tries dancing with me and immediately I push her head down to begin to grind on her, I however didn’t take in account her mismatch weight issues so that bitch ended up tipping over and falling over.

Abe goes to MI
There’s so much to say here that honestly this should be its own blog post. Abe meets some chick off shade(cell phone rpg game). Abe goes to chicks house in MI. Abe meets chicks husband and family. Abe bangs chick while husband is away. That’s the extremely condense story.

Freke and Me go to Science
The short one liner from this story is me debating on telling the security guard the Megan’s law line. Freke adamantly suggests against this.

Ant and Freke’s Halloween
The great story from Halloween is Freke and I went to a party and we meet some grotesque woman. Her costume was Jessica Rabbit. The sad thing was at first I thought she was a man. The second thing is she looked like Kristy Alley. It was just horrible. She sits on Frekes lap and talks him up a bit I am dying on the inside. If only I had a camera. She later walks away and then I go to Freke that bitch looks like Tim Tebow with a wig. One another note I met some insane white dude at the party who said he was so cocky he deserved his own dictionary. He said he likes talking like Ali. Overall it was just a strange and weird Halloween. Earlier in the day I gave candy outside my store and scared the shit out of some white lady good times. Also several friends said they would disown me if I wrote this as my fb status…..”It arouses me to give candy to little children.” And “So as I gave out candy I cut a hole in the bottom of the box and told the kids to dig in.” Who knew people were so touchy on pedophilia.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

End of Legacy

Jersey Gardens Store 61 closed on Monday the 24th of August. To put it simply I am the man I am today because of that place. I am where I am professionally because of that store. My friends became my family in that store. The boss Rob became the father figure that I needed and looked for in that store. Jersey Gardens taught me how to take responsibility for something other than myself. It taught me to excel at something and even if it seems futile. That you still had to keep going no matter what. People say a job is just a job and I feel sorry for them because they will never understand the complete and utter joy ….well sometimes joy that I had while walking through those sensormatics. I knew that during my 8-12hrs there that I would have fun, share stories, and see crazy shit that could only happen in Elizabeth NJ. If I could count the times I had emotional breakdowns in that backroom I would be better at math. If I could count the times that Maria or Rob or anyone else brought me a meal because I didn’t have one it would be impossible. The stories, the god damn stories that we have; if those walls could talk we all would have been fired a long ass time ago. I’m sad because I feel like a big part of my life was taken away from me. I always felt no matter what Jersey Gardens Haggar store would always be there. The bonds I created with the people there I know will transcend time but we all know it just won’t be the same. I miss those guys already and it’s not like their even dead. I’ve devoted so much time and energy to that company to that store how could I not feel like I’m not losing apart of myself. I never thought a place could make a person change so much. We all grew up in that store and became men including Maria lol. I could have left the store countless times for more money at different companies but that store gave me something that I didn’t realize I had until I did leave….it gave me happiness.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Life's not all sunshine and rainbows...but you know that

When it comes to friends I probably have the best on the planet hands down. They are smart intelligent and extremely loyal. My friends always try to help me at my lowest points and try to help me see more of myself then I do.

With that said they see me going through a tough time right now. My habitual drinking is causing them a lot of pain and hurt. They feel it’s a substance abuse that will end up taking my life. I am a very depressed and emotionally unstable human being. When I get angry I drink when I get sad I drink. When there is an availability of Sam Adams or beer of my liking I drink. I’ve forgone bread to buy booze. My friends don’t understand why. They can’t possibly see the reasoning behind this. It’s because in my mind the taste of alcohol is a refreshing delight that leads to the road of forgetfulness and a pain free existence. My isolated life in CT has ruined me. I am not used to being alone hell I’m afraid of it. When I go out to drink my existence feels bearable. I see the couple of guys I know around town and it just becomes a good time. It’s not like I’m drinking on the job or blowing guys in alley for a can of naty ice. I just enjoy alcohol and I don’t see how giving it up is going to change anything. I honestly believe I will in all probability be sadder without booze in my life. It’s a sad statement but I believe it to be true.

The last couple of weeks have been exceptionally rough. Shaun of all people is coming down hard on me about my drinking. Throwing little quips in here and there and it pisses me off. I understand where he is coming from he is genuinely concern. Everyone knows though if Anthony Diaz is going to do something he is going to do it. Last night I had a convo with my boss Rob and he told me basically cut the shit and stop doing dumb shit again referring to my drinking. Rob I love with all my heart he’s been the father I wished I had as a kid. I take Rob’s word for law but I just can’t do it though. Another conversation which I initiated was with Audrey. We ended up having several arguments about this and that and then she said, “But seriously…If you wanna keep your friends….How about you trade your Sam Adams for your friends once in a while. We’d rather have a friend who’s alive over a friend who’s not.” Here’s another quote , “Yea. I feel damn betrayed. You don’t wanna accept responsibility…Fine. You never do. So stay drunk. act like a jerk.” I felt so fucking shitty after that and you know what I thought could absolve me of my problems that right another beautiful bottle of Sam.

People will never understand other people’s pain or suffering. No one will ever know what another is thinking or feeling. We can try our hardest but even walking in another man’s shoes will never give you incite to his soul. Pain is a very very personal thing. The remedy to that pain is equally as personal. We can try to console advise and bandage another person but ultimately it is always up to that person to solve their own issues. I’m not looking to solve my problems other people are looking to solve my problems. When I need help I just ask you guys be there for me.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

No man is an Island

I guess the best way to start this is that no man is an island. How many times have people heard that? Hell how many times have I said it? I hear I am a brilliant man all the time but after three conversations never. That happen to me tonight and it was a revolutionary thing. It was a revolutionary thing because someone asked me what is that I could do right now to make me happy and my response was, “Be the voice of my people.” They immediately responded with jubilation. They said that God told them to ask me that question and that would be the response. It was weird everyone knows my thoughts on the big man upstairs but lately spiritually talk has been coming up. Whether its friends converting or myself converting its still has been a reoccurring theme. I don’t know if eventually I am supposed to find a righteous path and all things will fall into place from it. I don’t know how to answer questions when people say , “Your smarter than this retail thing why aren’t you doing something else?” I just don’t know anymore. For years people gravitated towards me because of my personality and my ability to speak. I loved them for it. Now my life is comprised of so many different things I don’t even know where I fall into place. I have my friends trying to guide me fearful of what I will become or fearful of an early death and I mean while keep trudging along. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to be? These aren’t simple questions and people still don’t have them figured out. No one is a 100% happy with his or her life so why do I have to be at this age.
The man I spoke to tonight said my mother instilled me various traits and my grandmother’s loved hell them within me. To this I was speechless…….everyone knows the hate I have for my mother and the thought of her instilling anything in me is almost vomit inducing. Its true though I say I am everything I am for the lack of presence of my real father and I am that I am for the presence of my mother. She was a cold hearted ruthless bitch that created Anthony Dawayne Diaz. She is what she is and I am what I am. He went on to say that I am ok with who I am and I should be ok with that. That God forgives me for my actions and can see into my heart. In my heart he sees kindness and hope. I don’t normally think anything of this kind of talk but I don’t know. Something really really got to me. I am not saying it was divine intervention but it sure as hell was something. I always say I’m circling the drain but not this time not this time

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

And ill call this one Wedding Cake

Wedding Cake
The reason for the name is because of course she had multiple layers hehe. I just don’t know what my fascination with the big girls………oh yeah that’s right they are easier to sleep with. So of course I am at the local Westbrook drinking bar and I begin to scope out the joint. I see her sitting alone I figured bingo. So after walking around a bit kind of noticing her and kind of not she ends up striking up a conversation with me. Comes to find out she is the assistant manager from the big and tall store in the same outlets I work at. Go figure. The world knows me so striking up a conversation with someone in my same field is pretty easy and yet it’s terrible how Haggar has completely dominated my life. We start comparing sales figures and shit it’s just sad. Towards the end of the night she asks if she can come back to my place to watch a movie. I’m thinking wow this chick wants the Ant man or she’s really really drunk.
She comes back to my room and then she’s like ok take your shirt off and where is your lotion. I’m like wtf. She begins to massage my body and my nipples dousing her hands with lotion. I am not going to lie, felt fucking great. So then she gets all riled up and wet and shit and she’s like, “Your dick my mouth.” This is some shit I can really get behind. She starts blowing me and of course she has some jager with her. She takes a shot of jager spits it on my junk and then proceeds to blow it off. I know how fucking awesome is that. We have sex about three times. She ends up sleeping over which I don’t know what possess me not to kick her the fuck out but I didn’t. I guess I’m nice like that. Which I end up regretting cuz she fucking wetted a huge ass spot on my mattress not to mention some of my blankets. I was pissed. But you know what some good fucking sex sooo shit happens.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Abe the great

So Shaun, Abe and I are drinking with a buddy of ours down in Belmar. No public urination tickets for us this time. So we’re all having a good time and enjoying ourselves drinking bullshitting doing what guys do best. Abe as usual has been the quietist guy there not really talking just quietly drinking and what have you. So the other guys say “Hey what’s up with this guy we gotta get him outta his shell!” Shaun and I quickly respond, “You don’t want to do that. Abe is a fucking monster etc etc!” One guy starts giving Abe shots and calling him a pussy to keep pushing him on. After 6 consecutive shots Abe’s done we know he’s drunk at this point. So we all get ready to head out to the bar. We take the elevator downstairs and as we get out there’s this woman late 30’s mid 40’s standing there waiting to get on. Abe out of nowhere runs up to here and proceeds to yell in her face “HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR DICK!” Then he of course starts manically laughing in her face. The lady flips out starts cursing and all kinds of shit. She calls the cops. At this point Shaun and I think nothing of it and keep walking. We’re from Newark this kinda of shit is normal to us. The friends of our friends freak out get all nervous start saying they’re going to get kick out of the building arrested and blah blah …what a bunch of bitches.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Don’t pee in Belmar Unless it’s in an actual bathroom

Anthony Bangs a Pregnant Chick

I had sex with Melissa again the same day she found out shes two months pregnant. What makes that story blogworthy is the fact that, at first she didn’t want to have sex saying and I quote. “Noooo, I don’t want to make it worst.” HA! like she can get more pregnant. I was over her house with some other dudes. They both were gay and decided to get it on in the other room. Melissa decided to watch them blow each other. I stayed in the room. She comes back all horny and decides she does in fact want to get it on.

Public Urination

After coming out of a bar in Belmar me and shaun decided to take a piss behind some gas station. Well of course it being south jersey and white and all. They decide they want to hold the black man down by giving him a $350 public urination ticket. To maintain integrity of the story the cops said since we were being cooperative that they were only giving one of us the ticket and luckily it was shaun.

Quotes of the Summer So far

Mfreke (to me whispering quietly and intently) “So Anthony you trying to get into some shit tonight.”

Carlos (to random path train girls) “You wanna go in between the train and I’ll finger you.”

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Guido Alliance of Metrosexuals

One student group that is not found among the list of unrecognized organizations is the newly formed Guido Alliance of Metrosexuals.

I'm pretty sure you have all seen them in their little brothers' Armani Exchange shirts and the jeans they brought from DEB or Express….the women's section of course. Who can forget their personalized diesels and Italia shirts? Even in the gym the outfit remains the same.

How can anyone forget their wolverine shaped hair do with the product that they saw on the latest queer eye episode. With enough chemicals to straighten any Black persons hair.

These are the truly overt metrosexuals. Growing up Gotti rejects. But the one thing about these popped collar losers is how cool they think they are. The only thing sadder thing then them is the Indian version of the guido or the Curr-uido the curry eating branch of the guido family.

It was quite a shocker when their group did not get recognized, thus leading to one of the saddest days in the Little Italy section of University Square .

I, Anthony Diaz, took it upon myself to interview one of the young guidos, as they refer to each other. It was truly a Jane Goodall type of experience.

First, he yelled at me when I referred to the Alliance as being new and a group for the times. He then explained to me how guidos have always been around and I am seeing a modernized version of the classic guido.

I curiously asked him to continue and he explained to me what a classic guido is. The classic guido wears Adidas tracksuit; shell toes, a thick gold chain, and bushy chest hair softly rising out of his unbuttoned shirt like a ball of cotton.

I then said to myself, "The guido today is no better than the guido of yesterday."

Now as he continued to preach about the modern guido, he stated how they are similar to their idols, the Gottis (their Virgin Mary if you will).

In my mind I knew it was but a matter of seconds before he brought them punk bitches up. The Gotti's are literally one step away from being the guy behind a glory hole.

The polo's, spiked hair, perfectly plucked eyebrows. The utter joy on his face was disgusting.

It was at this point I began to notice his massive erection. I was disgusted. Then he told me the true test of any guido. The real guidos wear 2 polos with both collars popped, naturally. To show your alpha male status.

At this point I couldn't contain myself and I said, "You sir are a faggot." Then in true dirt fashion he asked me if I wanted to speak into the mic. Then he raised fists up and began to kiss his arms saying how afraid I should be to face the guns.

I laughed in his pretty face and spat on his Lacoste polo. Then he immediately fell to his knees and cried exclaiming that his parents brought him the polo from Bayonne (the guido homeland).

Normally I would laugh at such a disgrace of a man, but I actually felt bad. Seconds later I realized that they do not deserve my sympathy. To hell with those over axed smelling douche bags.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

One of my Last College Articles they actually published this shit lol

Recently there has been a lot of press in the Observer about the Student Governing Association. However nothing that has been covered in the pass will shock you more than I will with this story.

Some of the Senate members may despise President Vigario's touchy-feely method of leadership. Upon the battles within the Senate, Vigario turned once again toward his let's-just-be-best-friends methods to reform the Senate from within. And he means literally. This time, his methods have gone awry. This man is sick and needs to be stop and I the great and wonderful Anthony Diaz have to decided to speak out against these lewd and crud acts.

Vigario organized a weekend retreat to a dark neck of the woods. He called this RU Leads, but in reality it was a boot camp for group hugs. Under the influence of Dean Holloman and Dean Walton, Vigario turned even more affectionate this time. The gathering reportedly turned into a mass orgy. By mass orgy I don't mean regular good ol fashion missionary style love I'm talking about things you can only see in the videos found in the back alleys of countries like Russia and Uganda. All out shrimping and Oreo eating…terms at which I wont describe at this point to get this article published.

President Vigario always spoke of "bridging the gap" between the administration and the student body. Never had the Senate thought that he meant just that: bridging the student body. Never had the Senate suspect that the president himself would serve as the bridge, using his OWN student body. While some might think I may be only speaking negatively about President Viagario I must say this the man is very flexible and the people in Cirque Du Soleil have nothing on him.

The president always urged Senators to present their "plan of attack." To their surprise, the president's "plan of attack" involved leather. Never before has Vigario's agenda gotten so personal. Never before has Vigario been so eager to "push" his "personal agenda." Onto and into others.

President Vigario had a meeting with the Provost and he made sure that the Senate coming to the meeting was out of the question.

Why, might you ask. Because another student leader was there and Vigario didn't want to complicate things. Sergio--that's right, the own Observers editor and chief--was having a relationship with our president! We now know why the paper was so critical of Mr. Vigario and his style of leadership. The whole thing was a ploy of Mr. Vigario and Sergio to manipulate the Rutgers masses by controlling the Observer and the Sga. Just to give you a certain incite into the love feast of the two they enjoyed an act called shrimping. After two men have had anal sex, shrimping, as I know it, is the practice of one man slurping the seminal fluids out of the other's sore, red butt cheeks, often through a straw. In this case however Andrew didn't use a straw though. He used a series of pulleys and small toy-like buckets.
After finding all this information out I was completely appalled and decided it was bet to keep this to myself but then I decided where is the fun in that. I think I outdid myself with this one folks.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The search for love is like anal sex with no lube its hard and rough but everyone wants to do it !

Alright, so this next blog isn’t going to attack anybody based on appearance, gender, or belief system. Shocking, I know. My next blog is going to attack all the hopeless, sappy motherfuckers who are on an endless journey to find this fallacy of “true love.” Now don’t misunderstand me, I believe that love does exist and people are entitled to find it. However, there are too many of you lame assholes out there who feel that the one goal in your life is to find this so-called love that you have a misinterpretation of. I know even more people will say, “Hey Anthony you’re only writing about this because you were hurt by someone.” While that maybe true it’s not the source for this topic. I went through my bouts of saying ohh woe is me I need to find love while listening to Music Soulchild thinking that whoever I was in “love” with at the time was the one I needed to be with at all cost in order to fill some void in my life. You know what I got a job then I got responsibilities then I got bills then I realized you know what I was a little bitch back then. I got alotta shit on my plate and either I find someone to come along this wild ride with me or I don’t. There’s no way in hell I’m making finding that person my reason for living. You cant you’ll never be happy until it’s too late or you end up wasting your youth on someone not worth it.

Love isn’t when the person who you’re in “love” with tells you that they feel complete around you, but then is hooking up with some other guy or chick in some alley next to a green dumpster. Yet you still keep them around because you feel people make mistakes and someone as important as they are is entitled to second chances. No, you’re being a fucking moron.

Love isn’t chasing after one person for years after publicly declaring that they don’t mean shit to you, but then sacrificing everything you have in your life in the hopes that this “covenant” is worth it. What you’re doing is retarded.

Love isn’t being sappy and declaring that you’re that guy who will make an honest woman out of a gutterslut in the hopes that it change her ways of fucking anything that has a penis. That’s called being a sucker. Whatever you think you’re chasing isn’t love, it’s probably called a whore or a scumbag. To them, love is having that control over you and keeping your emotions in check aka being mind rape to think that literally rainbows come out there ass.

We all know that people who obsess over love do a lot of stupid shit. We change our personalities to accommodate people; we fly cross country in some grand gesture hoping it would be taken as a token of our love. We even invoke the lord’s name praying, thinking God will honestly gives a fuck about who we want in our lives when there is so many other important things going on in the world.

All I’m saying is that this eternal obsession with “love” is ridiculous. It makes you look like a fool and an idiot. Listen this blog is written for everyone but most of the people I know are in there late 20s and younger. If you’re looking for love now and thinking it will complete you for the rest of your life you need to wake up and smell reality because if you don’t think you can make it in the world without that special someone by 22 life gets to be a lot fucking harder than that. Do I know what is love is? Not completely. I do know that I felt great after leaving a little bit of my love in this girl’s mouth last night, though.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

The only thing that is Quiet about you is Your Thoughts!

This next blog is dedicated to all of you ebony princesses out there on behalf of my silent white brothers. I am sick and tired of you gold hoop with your name earring wearing, prosthetic nail having, six kids in the welfare line possessing, no shame or pride, loud black women. Yeah, that's right, I went there. I'm talking about those bitches who are always complaining about something. Either their weave is too tight, the line at local chicken shack is taking too long, or they are the women who think that they know all the right answers and want to make it known to the world. If you have read this far and already said, "this not me, this nigga ant crazy," then you are exactly one of the bitches I am talking about. Go get your GED. The thing that really upsets me is why do you have to open your mouth about everything and say it so loudly that the whole world can hear. I assure your yelling falls like silence on the deaf ears of the sailors of the boats on the middle passage. No one cares. There's no fucking reason for it. Nobody cares about how cute "yo baby" is when you haven't even passed high school. A saying that came to mind, it is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. For all you morons out there, this means shut up instead of polluting the space around me with your ignorant thoughts. The sad thing is these women think they are the shit when really they are just a pile of it. Seriously, some women need to reevaluate there lives and realize that the world is bigger than broad and market (for my Newark people). To conclude black women wonder why so many black men like big white women its simply because they know when to shut the fuck up and can take a hit better… ::bows:: Thank you and good night.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Hey baby is that Backfat or are your shoulders throwing up?

There are certain parts of the female anatomy that are quite sexy but there is one thing on a woman that is terribly disgusting and mind blowingly horrid. That something is backfat. I'm not talking about the ass of a woman or even some lovehandle action or even a loveable muffintop. The epidemic that i'm describing is a gelatinous formation on the upper back and around the shoulders. Every guy has seen it on at least one girl before while she was wearing a tight shirt or at the club when her shirt clings to her body like a drowning swimmer to a lifeguard. Anybody can see the fat bulging out over the bra strap as it yearns to be free like a Auschwitz prisoner. Even worse than the sight of the backfat is the feel of it. Now we all know i do not mind a shapely woman but their shape shoild not come with a quicksand deathtrap on there body. I do not want to lose my hand while rubbing my hands across her back. Imagine this: grabbing a handful of backfat is like immersing your hands in a bowl of uncooked ground beef and feeling around for something that you will never find. That is backfat. Overall women should do everything they can to reduce backfat and men should avoid the BF at all costs unless you like that kind of nasty shit. I already know women are gonna say but hey Anthony you’re a fat guy urself with probably a mountain chain of backfat on my body. While that may be true you must remember guys can be fat and women simply cant. Takes a rare breed of man to bone a fat chick and my friends I am that breed. Sight below for examples.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Grimace and her half pint friend

So I get head from chick that looks like she has down syndrome crippled and walks around with crutches and her obese friend who I have aptly named Grimace although she looks like Grimace if he wore a fanny pack for extra added pudge effect. Sadly it was not the same time but one after the other while the other one watched...NICE.... Am I a monster I think not I'm just out here trying to have sex with the ugmos of the world.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My 23rd Birthday

2 shots of Absolute, 2 shots of Goldschlaugher, 2 shots of patron café, 3 beers , 3 glasses of Soco Lime Bar tab of $500, your boss joining you for drinks as his head gets massage from some drunk chick, Me motor boating some random chick, Meida grinding on some chick, Me eye fucking everything that has tits besides carlos of course, Carlos being so drunk that he whips his dick out pees on some guys jacket while standing at the bar then being banish from Hells Kitchen= one priceless 23rd Birthday

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Shaun's B day Weekend

Three decent stories I can post....

1. So my cuzin and my godaughter mom pick me up for a casual night of smokin and boozin. So there hop up on weed.vikaden.and vodka. and just came from seeing the Biggie movie. So i hop in the car take a couple of pulls next thing I know were at tops diner getting some more booze. So afterward we hit another blunt then my cuz saids she needs a drink so stop at this gas station so we can get something to drink. So they go in and then ten mins later this random ass guy hops in the car said he offered the ladies 20 bucks to take him around the corner. So I'm like ok I guess and here is a piece of my convo with the guy........oh yeah he was really drunk too

Guy: So I'm not a bad guy. I'm just on probation.
Me:Oh so what are you on probation for?
Guy: Well I kinda of killed a guy BUT that's neither here or there you know.
So immediately I burst out into laughter.

Second Story
2. So Abe starts begins to pee on someones car. Three gay guys walk pass and yell at Abe "YOU HAVE A SMALL DICK!"
Abe immediately yells out "It's soft! It's soft!"

Third Story
3. So I'm standing there and some white lady brushes pass me. So I go "Hey I thought excuse me was a word in the english language!" She yells back, "Well if you weren't taking up all the space I wouldn't have to!" So I'm a big guy but shit this bitch is out of line. So of course I'm like, "Well yeah that still doesn't give you the right to be a huge bitch about it!" She goes, "Don't call me a bitch!" So of course I go,"BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH"

There is another story about how me and Fred fight over whether or not I have what it takes to hit a women.