I never seem to have enough time and it bothers me. That was probably the main reason for this post but now I don't really feel like elaborating on that. Granny is in the hospital again. That makes me mad because I just want her to be well already. I saw childhood photos today and my granny looked absolutely stunning. Those pictures definitely reminded me of a simpler time. Life is pretty complex right now. It definitely is throwing me a couple of curve balls. I have recently noticed a change in my personality. Its almost a regression in a way. Before CT I always knew I was kind of an asshole and CT definitely softened me up. Now that I am back in Jersey, I feel that asshole creeping back in. I don't mind it one bit though. That guy for a lack of a better phrase had a heart to succeed. He was about that life. CT Ant was very complacent. Complacency really bothers me for some reason. Oh well I'm tired now and try to elaborate on these thoughts another day.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Work has been pretty interesting as of late but I want more. I really feel like I've been spinning my wheels. I'm not depress just feeling blah. I described the feeling to Shaun as I just want it all. If any of you watch Mad Men I compared it to when Don Draper talks to Dow Chemical and tells them they are not happy because they don't it all. I want it all. I want more. I have felt that burning and mounting title for years but now it feels LeBron like in pressure.
I feel like I need to make a move. I don't think its school though. I think i need to make a name for myself doing something. Something big.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
I went to an AA meeting today. It was pretty interesting. I like these group of guys. I really really want to be sober or at least not drink as much. I think the best thing about it, was these guys knew exactly what I was talking about. They could relate. They could identify. The stories they had were extremely powerful. I was very hesitant to write this post because lets be honest. I do have a drink problem that I have struggled for years with. Its funny because one of the guys said its not your problem more like your solution. Your solution for good days your solution for bad days and etc. I want more out of life. I want to reconnect with God. I want to find my path again. I think i am going to go to the meetings when I can. They said don't set long term goals. Its all about the next 24 hours. Lets see what the next 24hrs have in stored for me.