Saturday, December 20, 2008
There were few incidents on the train one Abe asking whether or not to inform the rest of the passengers on the path whether he has knives or not and me asking the train is it so wrong to have sex with a girl with Down syndrome and crutches. The answer to both is No by the way.
However the one moment that stands out once again including Mr. Abe Lee needs to be provided with a little background information. Abe Lee peed in two of our friends drinks. Carlos was an impromptu act of revenge for Carlos rubbing nasty ball sweat on Abe’s Hot pocket. Abe decided to pee in Meida’s drink out of sheer craziness cuz its what he does people. Carlos eventually found out about it and Meida didn’t know up til this point. On the train we were having a talk about the peeing incidents when Abe blurts out “DOES MEIDA KNOW!” As he saying this Meida is right behind him asking does Meida know what. The truth eventually comes out and Abe seals his legend becoming the Mad Pisser.
Once we get out of the path in Penn we all decided we need to use the bathroom. Of course a female crackhead tries to stroll on into the Mens bathroom while yelling “Imma gangsta” The transit cops quickly escort her out. After we all finish our bathroom break we proceed outside. Where the same lady comes up to us and asks us whether we could spare some change. To which I respond “look out shes a gangsta” and run away. Few blocks away from the scene we decide now its time to light them cigars up in honor of the celebration.
Once at Hells it was nice and empty and time to end the eve by poppin bottles of the cheapest champagne Carlos could afford. We all keep on with the drinkin. Rui makes a cameo me him Shaun talk about the store Abe eventually passes out which everyone seeks a golden opportunity for revenge. I try to color his face with marker only to fail but where I failed the rest of the gang strongly succeeded the pic of Abe with cock on his face will be posted shortly. In all the 16th was a great fuckin night.
Friday, December 19, 2008
All started with a txt “Knights of Rohan the lights of Gondor are lit. Are you ready to answer their call?” To which we all aptly responded. To signal the lights me the squad rights out to meet whatever challenge was thrown before us and tonight’s challenge was a congratulatory celebration of Shaun’s finishing of school. The eve started as usual light drinking. Abe and Shaun gravitated towards the beer pong table. Carlos and Meida towards the fooseball table and me and mu towards the seats. After watching Shaun and Abe lose consistently and Abe being pretty drunk already from drinking his Poland spring bottle of OJ and Vodka we decided to move on.
The next bar we went to was called the slaughtered lamb …on a side note Abe enjoyed the name. We decided to class it up a bit Mu Carlos Abe order Bombay sapphire martinis. Mu able to finish his and we all pretty much pressured Carlos to finish his then it comes to Abe who decides no he wont finish it but what he will do is add it to the concoction of OJ and Vodka. So he pretty much just added gin to the mix. He spills half his drink on the table starts freaking out about cleaning it takes the napkins from the tables around us trying to clean his mess. The waitress walks back looks at the mess near Abe and asks “Did you spill your drink? “ Instantaneously Abe responded with a “Nope” as he was practicing his response in his head. After all this Abe gets it in his head to start taking the utensil sets from off the table and putting them in his pocket. We proceed to leave and on to the next place.
The third bar was pretty uneventful just more boozing nothing too exciting happen. We decide to head back to the slaughtered lamb or at least another bar around there. We run into the waitress that served us outside and begins to tell her how he has her knives and would she like them back. Of course she responded with a resounding No. She gave us another bar to go to though she thought we would like. We end up walking to the bar and along the way some bouncer tries to entice us with an offer of half price drinks to which Abe responds GO fuck yourself. It’s safe to say Abe is drunk. We end up at the next bar see a bunch of suits make fun of Shaun for his eventual future and decide ehh its getting time to wrap shit up in jersey by popping bottles and smoking cigars.
to be continued
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Well, the results of my semen article were published in last week’s Observer. Apparently, some weren’t too happy with my findings. The agitated victims, whom I referred to as chronic masturbators, are also known as the gaming club.
I decided to reach out and apologize to this advanced group of Trekkies and Lord of the Rings fans by attending one of their meetings.
Now I have been to many brothels in my day, but none hold a candle to the Rutgers Newark Gaming Club. I mean who else could master the art of love making while performing an animality plus a fatality while freezing their opponent in Mortal Kombat.
Poon rained down from the heavens like that of a monsoon unleashing a deluge upon the unsuspecting land below.
When I had called them chronic masturbators I had no knowledge of these all out sex fests that occur at their meetings. That is why I duly apologize to them.
Apparently, women find the aroma of decrepit pizza and the ability to have memorized all the back-stories of each player in Tekken highly arousing. The fact that they call their mother’s basement the fortress of solitude is down right irresistible.
I was amazed and left speechless as they obliterated me in some old school genesis games. It seemed with every A B combination, the chicks that were there became more aroused with each drop of the 32-bit blood.
I thought that it stopped there, but no my friends there was more. In the back were the true masters of their crafts. They had a special room for the experts in each of their respective fields. I met John, who was the Duke of role-playing games. Then I met Bobby, who was the Wizard of Madden. Last, but certainly not least, I met Jacob the Dumbledore of Quaker Gaming.
There was more, but I just could not keep up. These men had the women of their choosing; literally, women were lined up and these masters can choose them like slaves. Each gaming god overlooks every feature, making sure that they are rewarded with the prime pick of the lot. One woman, in an effort to entice a male, pasted Mega Man pictures to her nipples. It was quite crude. Another one had a joystick coming out of her well...children read this paper so you should know where it was coming out of.
I simply bowed to these gods of pure and utter SEX that they were. I was blinded by there sheer brilliance.
How dare I, Anthony Diaz call them chronic masturbators? How foolish and blinded I was for they are lords of the vagina, kings of the art of kama sutra, and deacons of something or another. Ah, twas an experience I shall never forget, but wait what is the title of this column; yeah…that’s right, Weird and Probably Not True. HA!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
So we smoked and it was a delicious time of mental confusion and pure and utter bliss. Next then I know I'm making out with her and licking between the 2nd and 3rd neck roll it tasted of old leather and meat. It was splendid did I mentioned I was high out of my mind. Of course shes like no no we cant have sex within the first 20 mins of knowing each other. At this point I start to play her vagina as a violin and then shes like do you have a condom. I said indeed I do. Then it was on. So after the sha bam put my flip flops on and waddle out.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Abe had sex with said vagina
Abe wore a condom to have sex with said vagina
Abe said, said vagina was too tight
Abe has an idea
Abe places a stick of deodorant in said vagina
Abe thinks it shall loosen said vagina
Abe had sex with said vagina with stick of deodorant inside
Abe is currently selling a slightly used plastic vagina
Abe also put his thumb up his ass for no apparent reason thats another story though
Friday, March 28, 2008
One of these exploits happen to be with a former boss of mine who is also a lesibian.
So I lost contact with her and figure ehh wutever. That is until one fateful night she ims me out of no where and invites me out drinkin at one of her friends house. Im game pretty assured in my mind that sex was going to ensue that night. We pick up one of her friends gay guy who also happens to be a certified minister in the state of NJ. Yeah how random right. So anways we end up going to this chicks house whos apparently a nanny watching two young girls 14 n 15 whos bodies looked a little older then that. After a beer run and getting sauced up for about an hr we were all nice and in search of a good time so we all started dancing. Yes Yes i danced with one of the young ladies....dont judge me she had a nice ass and btw it was just a dance. Ne who we were all getting tired and decided it was time to call it a night. This is when i proceeded to convince my former boss that we needed to have sex again at my house and she quickly agreed. Good times it was a great random monday.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
He lives out on the west coast in LA. Which happens to be 2 and half hrs or 3 hrs away from TJ Mexico. So as soon as i landed he picked me up and we made moves. So we hop on the ghetto greyhound aka Fronteras Del Norte think of riding a short bus for that very 3 hrs. So naturally of course I pop 2 Tylenol pms and pass out. So next thing i kno where at the border. The Mexican border is shady sketchy and everything i expect from it.
We make our way in no one stops or checks us of course and and Mike takes me on for this ten minute walk to where the action is. On this small journey I see starving children street performers and all kinds of things you would expect to see on a Mexican side street. The first kid comes out of no where and hes like hey you while juggling 6 bean bags finishing his act by catching one on his neck. We quickly walk past. Then Mike takes me across this dark ass bridge where i am more then certain we are going to get robbed luckily we don't. We finally make it to Revoultion Ave which is like i guess broadway ny instead of theater shows there strip clubs and instead of hot dog vendors theres taco stands and the blasting of American hip hop music.
Mike first takes me down the street we are just looking at various places. Looking for a place to eat a taco or have a beer before we start the night. After a while he decides to show me the north area aka the red light district of mexico.
I will keep saying this to describe this part of TJ mexico... they call Las Vegas sin city well clearly whoever said that never been to Tijuana. The streets paved with the most beautiful mexican women your money could buy. These werent your scummy american hookers theres were beautiful women of all shapes and colors. Strip clubs galore and of coure the federalis were watching everyones every move. ........To be continued......
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I have been an adult all my life. I have taken care of myself and struggled through everyday problems. I juggled work, school and have had to provide for myself. I have carried the emotional burdens of my family and the economic responsibilities of my grandmother and my mother. This is an aspect of me is unknown to many people. Most people see the fun loving, silly Anthony. That is another part of me. Some have come to know a combination of the two. I believe I should tell you who the real Anthony is.
I am a person who lives life to the fullest. I have done things in my life that most teenagers cannot say they have. I have received a scholarship to attend college courses with a John Hopkins Program at the age of 16. I have worked four different jobs and each job has brought new experiences. An example of this is the department store Haggar. I had the opportunity to become a manager but I chose to focus on school instead. In grade school my grades were impeccable. This changed in high school dramatically. I did not feel like pursuing school. High school was a step on the ladder of life that I wanted to skip. I felt like this for most of my high school years. My desire for change, personal growth and giving to my city has steered me in the new direction of political activism and community service.
During the spring of 2003 three students and I were fed up with the condition of our building. This is when my view on high school changed. The students and I planned and lead a walk out of the student body to protest these conditions. As a leader of the walkout, I gave three speeches to boost morale among the students. I have never received a greater rush than when I saw the passion come over the students from my words. It was at this exact moment that I had the realization; I wanted to go into a life of politics.
Since that day I have wanted to change the way of life for the citizens of Newark. I want to be apart of the guiding force to propel the city of Newark into an era of greatness. I have led my life making good and bad choices. Attending Rutgers is making one step in the right direction. Rutgers has the atmosphere and high quality of education that would be beneficial to my higher learning and my future endeavors.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
So I didn’t want to do anything for my bday I just wanted to stay in and sleep but of course my life doesn’t work that way. So Ryan and Tahri decide to show up and take me out to Fridays to eat drink what have you. So after 4 winter lagers I’m pretty drunk and Carlos and Shaun show up and say lets go to the Go Go.
At the Go Go we have this intense drunken scandalous evening such a good time. The dancer name Rosa who turn out to be a grandmother who was fuckin touchin my man tits and jerkin me off as im slapping her ass and shes telling me how big her pussy lips and I lick her face I became the epitome of scummiest. It was great. At the height of the nastiness and raunchiness we decide to leave being for monetary reasons.
As were driving around we see a car and abe has the brilliant idea of fucking the car up. So we leave and go to a bar. Abe comes running back saying people were there so he cudnt do it. Meanwhile in the bar Abe gets 151 and goldslagher . We find out he has a bottle of absinthe and we all take shots. Abe gos back for round 2 takes hes shoe off and starts scuffin the shit out of the car window trying to break it. Doesn’t work at alllll. My friend tells me all she heard was laughing hahaha then DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE ..The next day we found out wasn’t the persons car we thought it was.