Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Good ol Jersey

So I think I left my car door unlocked and some kids pretty much stole some things out of my car. They got my fancy Ecko watch and my ipod nano. They left other things in the car like my headset and my car charger but the thing that really bothered me was the glasses that I got out of Matt's car were smashed on the ground right outside the car. It bothered me a little bit those glasses did not have much monetary value but the sentimental value was through the roof. I also was not as pissed off about the missing items if anything I felt violated. I was like shit someone else was in car, but I am over it. They didn't break any of the windows or pee on my seats so I guess I have a lot to be thankful for.

Shaun and I had a lengthy discussion about my previous blog post about pursuing my education. He feels that I think it is a golden ticket of some sorts. I told him I do believe it to be a golden ticket. I feel very limited by my lack of education. I feel on paper it would be a substantial increase to my value. At least on paper anyway. I see so many people doing these "top notch" jobs and having this interesting careers and realistically the only thing separating myself from them is a bachelor's degree. I want to achieve more and accomplish more. Shaun pointed out very correctly though that the potential has always been there for me to accomplish and achieve more but I still lack any type of direction and focus. This to me goes back to being inconsistent most of all. I still don't know. I don't think it is a prideful for me to say, I have been great a lot of things but I really never mastered anything. The two weighing options are some type of ministry work or teaching. Not sure but I will still continue grinding!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Return to RU?

So there is a chance that I might be returning to Rutgers Newark. What kind of crazy shit would that be? Last night I wrote about consistency and wanting to finish strong. It would almost be serendipitous if I returned to Rutgers Newark and finished my degree. I am a completely different person than I was back when I went to school my first go around. I have a different head on my shoulders and the same distractions are almost non existent to me now. I would go back to become a history major only. I would not try to double major with political science. I am sure if I took this route that I wouldn't necessarily go into ministry but perhaps become a teacher. I would not mind teaching in Newark but I know the burden could be heavy though. I just want a degree because I am tired of feeling devalued. I know that if you work hard enough and take advantage of every opportunity given to you that you will go far in life. I know that there are some terrific opportunities available to you but I wholeheartedly believe that education is a clear propellant to success. I have tons of experience in my life all I need is the documents to back it up. Once I have that degree I will open up the doors to new worlds.

Sunday, May 27, 2012


I have an interesting run so far in Jersey. The return home has been extremely enlightening. There have been times of frustration and joy and happiness. There have been times where I am sad because of my grandmother’s future. There are times were the possibilities are completely limitless because I am no long stuck in the bubble of Westbrook, Ct. I dearly miss the people. We are even coming up in 2 months a year from the passing of my friend Matt. It still has a profound effect on me. It still feels new oddly enough. Jersey is just different. People do not understand because they have been here all their life or they take nice vacations but never stay long periods of time elsewhere. Being close to my friends and family has made me feel very peaceful inside. Everyone harps on me about education stating that is the piece missing from my life and holding me back. I’m not sure if that is true or not but I do want to finish school, but this last semester just made me realize I am not a strong finisher. I am inconsistent with a lot of things and I need to change that. It is extremely tough to change. I was also so determine to go into ministry and I just feel lost right now. I don’t have that strong desire and burning anymore and I think it is because of pride issues. I have a lot going on but I am confident that at least finding the flaws are the first step to taking the right direction. I just need to literally will myself to change.

Thursday, May 24, 2012


I haven't wrote in a while and it kills me because so many different things are happening or have happen. I cant really think of anything I want to mention in particular right now. I got a new car and I am extremely happy about that even though it is not that good on gas it is one hell of a ride however. Many of my friends are going through some tremendous life altering changes and it is a beautiful thing. My grandmother started chemo and I saw her today and she did not look that well and she is still being stubborn on moving out. I hate pleading with her and I know I am being a pessimist here but I honestly find it hard to see her going through this all and making it out at the end. I am here for her when I can be and I think I need to leave it at that. That is another blog for another time. I got two D's in my online classes. I was not focus at all. The good thing is I believe they still count towards my degree so I should my associates degree anyway. That at least is my hope. I am looking at taking online classes for BBC since it would be dramatically cheaper than trying to dorm there in Sept. I also sent my old RU counselor an email asking if he thinks he could get me back into Rutgers Newark. That would be interesting to say the least. I know if allowed this time around it wouldn't be the same. My pastor had a conversation with me recently and asked me about my calling and I was so adamant about being a pastor or going into full time ministry that it seemed like a given. It was not until the FUSION conference that I felt this burning issue of pride and anger that that all changed. I am working through a lot of my issues and I have been asking people to pray that God breaks me so he can rebuild me. I need to break myself from the persona that is Anthony and just leave God in there. These are tough themes in my life but I am learning to overcome and keep my nose to the ground. I will try to write an entry on something more specific tomorrow.