Saturday, August 1, 2015
Monday, April 6, 2015
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Hate to sound like an emotional wreck but I put myself in a situation that I am usually do. I thought by now I would know better. I think I really do it because I don't really care. I was talking to my friend John about my loneliness and how it puts me into these situations and he usually tells me the same thing. Life is about balance. It's a damn near impossible thing to obtain but balancing life will ultimately lead to happiness. He also said dating in your late 20s is nothing like dating earlier. I get it though. I love a young woman with a hot body, what man doesn't. These woman though are just superficial and could never offer me what a woman of substance can. I genuinely think I'm over trying to find my power partner and be that power couple taking over our respective worlds. I just want someone nice to settle down with and won't stab me in my sleep. I think I'm setting the bar high there. The one good positive thing that I feel is that I'm starting to get my mojo back. I'm feeling cocky and arrogant and in order to run the system that I run I need those two traits running high. I need to feel like I'm the shit to keep the managers and the staff in line. I build systems based on hard work and discipline. It only works if I am confident in my abilities. I got my swagger back and now it's time to dominate.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
I never know if the decisions I make are ever really the right ones. Once, I make a decision I rarely remain confident in that decision either. I adapt to the situation at hand and make the best of it. Adaptability has brought me very far and continues to make me successful. It's hard at times to readily accept the next chapter and challenge. I manage though. I am not sure if taking this new store was the right decision. I say that only because I was taken out of my comfort zone. I was coasting on past successes and I was fine with that. Now, face with different expectations and different standards I have to adapt and change myself once again. That's what good managers do. That's what good leaders do. I know these moments of doubt are temporary and fleeting and it's good for me to get them out of my head. This to shall pass. I will be great because I am great. It's not arrogant if you can back it up.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
I've been wanting to write something for a while but could never find a topic. My mind is a jumble mess again. I always find it odd at how I can be operating at two ends of the spectrum simultaneously. I am at peace of sorts and yet at the same time out of balance. Is God the answer? I feel like it is. I miss being in a church, a good church. My cousin is a new believer and a pretty strong example of how far faith can take you. I need to start praying again.
I also think I am pretty lonely. Recently, one of my old flings just got married and let's just say she was not the cream of the crop. Not only that but I had one of the worse one night stands of my life. Typically, I wouldn't hold back and share all the intimate details but even I think this situation was pretty ridiculous. I had a what the hell are you doing with your life moment after it was all said and done. I started to do the online dating world again. It so damn interesting the information we put out there about ourselves to try to foster any tidbit of a connection. I wonder how long this search will last before I am side track again. I am really going to stop easing around with crazy women this year. Aren't they all crazy though?
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
It has been one hell of a year to say the least. My brother committed suicide. I celebrated a year of sobriety. I got the promotion that I wanted and a couple of raises too. I spent some time in Florida with Kevo and Joe. I turned a job down with Walmart. I started school again. I met some interesting people and I regained some old friendships. I got a new car. Those are just a few things I can think of.
One of the things I have been really trying to grasp lately is the need to be satisfied. Happiness is something I will never find in something or someone. The year has been trying but it was filled with a lot of hope too. I think that this year's experiences has taught me some real key life lessons. Life has definitely made me a man this year. I thought that my grandmother's death in 2013 was the hardest thing I could go through. I was wrong. Losing my brother has given me a relationship and love for my nephew. It has made me reach out with more consistency to my brothers and mother. It has made me find strength when I thought I was all tapped out. My friends or family that pulled through and donated time and money for me was the greatest gift of all that came out of that tragedy. I know that I am truly loved in this world. That is one of the best things a guy can ask for. I hope 2015 brings less hardships but if it doesn't, I know I am prepared.