Growth

I have experience some unprecedented growth over the last year. My friend summed it up as feeling  capable. I have to agree. I think there was some self erected walls and they were sometimes by force taken down. Earlier this year I felt some fire kindling inside of me and as per usual it went away not completely but away. While cleaning I found something a wrote a while ago during one of our conversations. I always struggle with this concept of feeling better and bigger than I ever myself could feel. I normally would bury this feeling and move on. I would ignore whatever nagging pain or stress it would cause me and suffocate it until it became only whispers until the next fight. This time during this period of growth, I have decided to face these pains head on no matter what the outcome. I feel more equipped and capable of dealing with the nonsense.

The list also included traits on how I would describe how I feel the world sees me and how I see myself. Anthonyness is .... the parenthesis contain the "why"
protector, (Too much wrong in the world)
speaker, (Loves giving a good speech)
rebel, (Justice fighter)
learner, (Woke)
catalyst for change, (Personality)
earnest, (Integrity)
sad, (Hard path)
deep pain, (Hard path)
wise, thoughtful (Try to respond with emotion and heart)
Not the mask but the truth underneath.  (Dark comedian shell is protective and lets nothing in)

Stepping up the plate is hard. Dealing with all the things are hard but it must be done. The latest meme that has struck a chord with me is "I came to change lives!" If I was put on this planet to struggle and to fight and to become better then I must deal with the ugly as well as the good. I am tired but I am not dead yet and as Brendan so eloquently yells in his rocky speech that when we are beaten and battered there is always a voice that says get up and push on. It's that whisper of the fire that I need to keep stoking in order to hit the next levels that I want.