Tuesday, October 14, 2014
I've been laughing every time I walk on campus. The whole thing feels very surreal almost like a daze. I just remember being on this campus of literally thousands of students and sticking out of the crowd. It's not like that anymore. I am an attention whore and proudly admit it. This time though, it feels kind of good not to be in the spotlight. I keep my head down and do my work. I try not to talk in class unless I am forced. Even when I do I try to keep my participation to a quick and direct answer. I know my college experience is over. I'm not here to live the dream, I'm here to get that degree and move on. At times, I feel myself wanting to enter the fray but work has been keeping me pretty busy. I juse like to stay busy nowadays. Writing all of this helps me keep the junk out of my head. I wonder where I would be if I never dropped out of school all those years ago.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Pseudo relationships are a blight on my existence. Most relationships I have had with women tend to be of the pseudo persuasion. There are several pros but soooo many more cons to these kinds of relationships. The cons tend to be a compromising of your character i.e., a tendency to do things that go against your very nature in order to please the female in your pseudo relationship, a need to be the emotional pillow for said female, also an inherent loss of masculinity. The pros I feel are not really pros but false positive things we tend to make up in order to deal with the pseudo relationship. One of the biggest false positives we have is making up this reason that talking to the person gives us a sense of fulfillment that we could not receive anywhere else. Personally I think its bullshit. Another false positive is just having the token female presence in your life is sometimes good when you’re constantly in a sea of testosterone. The problem with pseudo relationships doesn't stem from the relationship themselves but from the people. The people that tend to get involved in these types of commitments are, let’s face it, pussies and I am talking about men and woman.
We all have problems and we try to find another person that can help us cope with our own bullshit while helping them cope with theirs. As I said before we use these particular people as emotional pillows while fulfilling that physical need with someone else. We enjoy the conversations and just genuinely being around that person so much that we won’t do anything to mess it up. Society today has been so compelled to put a label on something. However to do that, we feel we can upset the delicate balance that so many people in pseudo relationships work hard to establish. Another thing is that maybe the feelings are completely one sided and it seems like the other person likes us and likes the attention, the calls, the texts, the Facebook comments; when in reality they simply just like the attention. We, however, are so caught up in the possibility of them liking us that we are too blind to see and again we don’t want to ruin what we do have. We don’t want to turn the situation into something awkward and destroy the friendship. So we put up with it. Basically folks I am saying you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. It honestly depends how long you can stomach the situation.
That is all.
I wrote that in 2009 and wow how relevant is it today. I think this time around the difference between the man who wrote that article and the man I am now is that I don't put up with that shit anymore. I am told old for that nonsense. I believe you are in a relationship or not. I have way to many friends. We all try to satisfy that emotional need in various ways when we are not in a relationship and it is pretty unhealthy if we allow it to be. Even the friends with benefits situation is a slippery slope. It depends on the person if you can have the physical without the emotional but depending on who you are, it aint easy. The point to this all is that be honest with the person no matter what. I also changed the name of the blog, my sponsor thought it might be time.