Sunday, January 18, 2015

The Ratchet Ness of Ant

I've been wanting to write  something for a while but could never find a topic. My mind is a jumble mess again. I always find it odd at how I can be operating  at two ends of the spectrum  simultaneously. I am at peace of sorts and yet at the same time out of balance. Is God the answer? I feel like it is. I miss being in a church, a good church. My cousin is a new believer and a pretty strong example of how far faith can take you. I need to start praying  again.

I also think I am pretty lonely. Recently,  one of my old flings just got married and let's just say she was not the cream of the crop. Not only that but I had one of the worse one night stands of my life. Typically, I wouldn't  hold back and share all the intimate details but even I think this situation was pretty ridiculous. I had a what the hell are you doing with your life moment after it was all said and done. I started to do the online dating world again. It so damn interesting the information  we put out there about ourselves  to try to foster any tidbit of a connection. I wonder how long this search will last before I am side track again. I am really going to stop  easing around with crazy women this year. Aren't they all crazy though?

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Insomnia spurs review of 2014

It has been one hell of a year to say the least. My brother committed suicide. I celebrated a year of sobriety. I got the promotion that I wanted and a couple of  raises too. I spent some time in Florida with Kevo and Joe. I turned a job down with Walmart. I started school again. I met some interesting  people and I  regained some old friendships. I got a new car. Those are just a few things I can think of.

One of the things I have been really trying to grasp lately is the need to be satisfied. Happiness is something I will never find in something or someone. The year has been trying but it was filled with a lot of hope too. I think that this year's experiences has taught me some real key life lessons. Life has definitely made me a man this year. I thought that my grandmother's death in 2013 was the hardest thing I could go through. I was wrong. Losing my brother has given me a relationship and love for my nephew. It has made me reach out with more consistency to  my brothers and mother. It has made me find strength when I thought I was all tapped out. My friends or family that pulled through and donated time and money for me was the greatest gift of all that came out of that tragedy. I know that I am truly loved in this world. That is one of the best things a guy can ask for. I hope 2015 brings less hardships but if it doesn't, I know I am prepared.