The Ratchet Ness of Ant

I've been wanting to write  something for a while but could never find a topic. My mind is a jumble mess again. I always find it odd at how I can be operating  at two ends of the spectrum  simultaneously. I am at peace of sorts and yet at the same time out of balance. Is God the answer? I feel like it is. I miss being in a church, a good church. My cousin is a new believer and a pretty strong example of how far faith can take you. I need to start praying  again.

I also think I am pretty lonely. Recently,  one of my old flings just got married and let's just say she was not the cream of the crop. Not only that but I had one of the worse one night stands of my life. Typically, I wouldn't  hold back and share all the intimate details but even I think this situation was pretty ridiculous. I had a what the hell are you doing with your life moment after it was all said and done. I started to do the online dating world again. It so damn interesting the information  we put out there about ourselves  to try to foster any tidbit of a connection. I wonder how long this search will last before I am side track again. I am really going to stop  easing around with crazy women this year. Aren't they all crazy though?

Insomnia spurs review of 2014

It has been one hell of a year to say the least. My brother committed suicide. I celebrated a year of sobriety. I got the promotion that I wanted and a couple of  raises too. I spent some time in Florida with Kevo and Joe. I turned a job down with Walmart. I started school again. I met some interesting  people and I  regained some old friendships. I got a new car. Those are just a few things I can think of.

One of the things I have been really trying to grasp lately is the need to be satisfied. Happiness is something I will never find in something or someone. The year has been trying but it was filled with a lot of hope too. I think that this year's experiences has taught me some real key life lessons. Life has definitely made me a man this year. I thought that my grandmother's death in 2013 was the hardest thing I could go through. I was wrong. Losing my brother has given me a relationship and love for my nephew. It has made me reach out with more consistency to  my brothers and mother. It has made me find strength when I thought I was all tapped out. My friends or family that pulled through and donated time and money for me was the greatest gift of all that came out of that tragedy. I know that I am truly loved in this world. That is one of the best things a guy can ask for. I hope 2015 brings less hardships but if it doesn't, I know I am prepared.