Thursday, April 29, 2010
My name is Anthony Diaz and over the years I have defined myself in numerous ways. Many of you are aware of several of my antics and have even read about them in this blog. I thought about scrapping this blog and starting anew, but then I thought, why on earth would I do that? I think one of the great benefits gained from blogging is seeing the growth of a person. So, 2 shots of Jameson lives on.
While I been gone, I’ve had a life altering experience. I am a Christian. This in part means, accepting Jesus as my lord and savior and repenting to God for my sins. I know several people are going to say, “Yeah, sure, Anthony, a Christian hardy har har!” I assure you friends, this is not a joke. I started this journey because I fell in love. Let me confront my cynic’s thoughts right now. When I began my journey, I had no idea that it would lead me here. But I am glad that it has. I have read several books of the bible and I am still trying to read more, although as of late, I have not been as dedicated as I should be. But every day, I take a step in the right direction.
The writings of C.S. Lewis helped tremendously, as well as Pastor Brendan Saunders. I felt an understanding that I did not quite get before. I use to write off all Christians as weirdoes and people out of touch with reality. While some Christians are…hypocrites and liars and etc, it is unfair to judge an entire faith on the actions of a select few, but rather to try to judge the faith by its word and doctrines as I understand it. People are fallible its life. I was judging something on perception and not reality.
The start of my relationship with God is actually pretty interesting. I began by pondering the great mysteries of life, and it all led back to God I realized that God is the unlimited source of everything. I believe that human beings conceptually, can only reach a certain point in their lives. We need more to go further and beyond. We need God because in order to grow as human beings, we need a source greater than ourselves. While I still believe strongly in this point, I feel that there is another more powerful element of faith, and it is LOVE!
Love is a powerful emotion; it is a motivator, destroyer, creator... etc. People do crazy things for love and even crazier things from lack of it. All my life I have felt emptiness, a void a need, a desire, to fill the hole in my heart. To tell the truth, I filled it up all right, with booze, drugs and sex. I was never satisfied. The more I had the more I needed, or when I was satisfied, that feeling was short lived. It’s crazy. I do not feel that way anymore. I do not feel alone or angry or bitter. I love this. I use to think Christianity was for the weak, but it is not. It is for the broken, rich, and poor. God’s love is available for everyone.
With that said, people are probably expecting me to have this holier than thou kind of attitude. Let me be the first to say, I am man, a person, and I am riddled with mistakes, sin, terrible behavior, and language. Like I said, everyday I’m taking a step in the right direction. Some days are better than others. Being a Christian is not like switching on a light and all of the sudden you can see and blah blah blah. It is about humbling yourself before God, and realizing you’re work in progress. And let me tell you folks, I have a long way to go, and believe it or not I am pretty happy.