I've posted numerous blog post on my friends. My friends are family to me. The good the bad the ugly we have each others back with animalistic like fierce. We have gotten older. Some of us are wiser. Some of us are crazier. Some of us are no longer here. I'm writing this post just to say simply to all my friends past and present, I love you. If we dont talk anymore or seldomly that I still love you.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Earlier this year I was pretty set on going to bible college. I wanted to learn the "church ops" field if there is such a thing. This kind of relates to my earlier post about dreams. I really believed in this goal. Something happened and I literally lost the taste and desire for God and the bible college. My life is pretty interesting. The opportunities and chances that are afforded to me are almost incalculable. I'm disappointed in myself for letting something else slip through the cracks. I honestly am afraid of speaking about anything else out loud for a fear of a conscious self delusion. How fuck is that. I'm afraid to dream because I know in the end it will mean nothing. I guess that's why I've enjoyed watching the dreams of others. I've enjoyed the sidelines even though I may piss and moan about it. I'm not even depressed so I couldn't even say that's the reason for the apparent mental anguish. I really wish I knew the remedy for this. What was it for Neo? Taking the blue or red pill. Somethings gotta give. Some mental epiphany.
Just sitting here and watching breaking bad in my Aunts living room. I'm enjoying the relaxation and just personal day. I've been pretty restless the last couple of weeks. My friends have noticed mild changes especially coming with an idgaf attitude. I'm really upset I'm not in school right now but I don't know if that's really really what I want. I was kind of inspired by a person who is spending next year just living out her dream. The funny thing about dreams is that most people just have one. One dream is what people usually hang onto. The hardest thing for me is trying to find one dream. One thing to put all my energy behind. I'm really starting to think I'm a dream junkie. I just want to do it all. I just want to accomplish everything. We as people are limitless but often times it is that limitless that limits us.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
My car was broken into twice. They really didn't get much but got lucky. I want to get out of the hood but I do love being here. I just wish things like this didn't happen. This puts a black eye on a community that otherwise should be proud. I remember the way I felt when my granny got car jacked. Man I was out for blood. I think it was a bunch of kids that got into my car which is even worse. Its worse because it starts this small for them and then they upgrade and do bigger and worse crimes. They need mentors or a stronger family structure. I am glad that God has given more and shown me more existed than the block I lived on. I'm going to start praying for my hood.