Recently there has been a lot of press in the Observer about the Student Governing Association. However nothing that has been covered in the pass will shock you more than I will with this story.
Some of the Senate members may despise President Vigario's touchy-feely method of leadership. Upon the battles within the Senate, Vigario turned once again toward his let's-just-be-best-friends methods to reform the Senate from within. And he means literally. This time, his methods have gone awry. This man is sick and needs to be stop and I the great and wonderful Anthony Diaz have to decided to speak out against these lewd and crud acts.
Vigario organized a weekend retreat to a dark neck of the woods. He called this RU Leads, but in reality it was a boot camp for group hugs. Under the influence of Dean Holloman and Dean Walton, Vigario turned even more affectionate this time. The gathering reportedly turned into a mass orgy. By mass orgy I don't mean regular good ol fashion missionary style love I'm talking about things you can only see in the videos found in the back alleys of countries like Russia and Uganda. All out shrimping and Oreo eating…terms at which I wont describe at this point to get this article published.
President Vigario always spoke of "bridging the gap" between the administration and the student body. Never had the Senate thought that he meant just that: bridging the student body. Never had the Senate suspect that the president himself would serve as the bridge, using his OWN student body. While some might think I may be only speaking negatively about President Viagario I must say this the man is very flexible and the people in Cirque Du Soleil have nothing on him.
The president always urged Senators to present their "plan of attack." To their surprise, the president's "plan of attack" involved leather. Never before has Vigario's agenda gotten so personal. Never before has Vigario been so eager to "push" his "personal agenda." Onto and into others.
President Vigario had a meeting with the Provost and he made sure that the Senate coming to the meeting was out of the question.
Why, might you ask. Because another student leader was there and Vigario didn't want to complicate things. Sergio--that's right, the own Observers editor and chief--was having a relationship with our president! We now know why the paper was so critical of Mr. Vigario and his style of leadership. The whole thing was a ploy of Mr. Vigario and Sergio to manipulate the Rutgers masses by controlling the Observer and the Sga. Just to give you a certain incite into the love feast of the two they enjoyed an act called shrimping. After two men have had anal sex, shrimping, as I know it, is the practice of one man slurping the seminal fluids out of the other's sore, red butt cheeks, often through a straw. In this case however Andrew didn't use a straw though. He used a series of pulleys and small toy-like buckets.
After finding all this information out I was completely appalled and decided it was bet to keep this to myself but then I decided where is the fun in that. I think I outdid myself with this one folks.