I think this is the most therapeutic way I know how to deal with things. There has been so much going on the last couple of weeks and months I honestly do not know where to begin. I guess no time like the present.
I am pretty much hurting right now. I have not felt this way in a very very long time. It sucks. I closed a chapter in my life I was not ready to. That chapter brought me a lot of happiness and I hope I brought it some too. I know for a fact they are not feeling as crummy as I am and I think that hurts the most. Knowing that you give everything to someone and they don’t have to give you themselves in return is a very dangerous thing. Love is a very dangerous thing. I think back to all my crushes to all the women that have “had” my heart and I realize that I never made things easy on myself. All the women that I have pine for and that I know I could never have has never stopped me from trying. The women that I could have and wanted me are the same who I treated with disrespect and not a care.
This time was different. She said she cared for me. That she liked me and at the end she said she loved me too. Yet, I had to push her away.