Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Sober or Not to be Sober that is my question
So I have been thinking about cold turkey sobriety for the last couple of days. I know a couple of years ago when I thought I had a drinking problem I went a whole year without drinking. After that year I thought I could handle it again. Recently I have been good. The major slip up I had was two Saturdays ago where I went in hard. 11 shots of Jameson 1 Snakebite and about 4 or 5 beers lead to a rough night. I have just been thinking about my life and how getting drunk has affected in numerous ways. I have reached this conclusion before but I thought moderation could handle it but I don’t think so anymore.
The lack of CT nightlife has ruined my resolve in believing that there are other alternatives out there. However upon further thought, this allows me to concentrate on my faith a lot more. The hard thing is I don’t want to be like a monk living in solitary just mediating on things. I want to be apart of the world and affecting the world through my actions. It’s like the 2nd verse in the passage I like. “In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.” Psalm 3:6 So I need to come up ways of how I can occupy my time with doing a work for God or representing God in some way. Especially at night on the weekends when the urge to go to a bar is strongest.
One of the things I remember APH telling me is that the bible doesn’t say anywhere that we shouldn’t drink it just does not approve of drunkenness. While I do enjoy drinking I understand what it leads me to. It leads me to have lustful thoughts bad thoughts and even worse it definitely provokes me to act on those thoughts. One of the reasons I have loved alcohol for such a long time is that is provided me with a solution to my never ending thought process by dulling it and making my mind a blurr so I was unable to focus on any mental pain and anguish I was going through. I have even thought about taking pills for depression and anxiety and stuff but so many people say its simply a mental thing and that I do not want to rely on such things.
I replaced alcohol with so many other things time and time again and now that I have God in my life I think I have come to a final solution as it be. I can’t replace this drug with people because just like the drugs themselves people tend to fail you too. I can’t replace it with anything materialistic because again material things are only temporary. It balls down to this quote C.S. Lewis: “God cannot give us happiness apart from Himself, because there is no such thing.” This just has been working on my heart and I hope that God willing that if I do decide to do this I know it won’t be easy but again Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”