Christianity teaches us to love one another just like we love ourselves. Even if you don’t feel like you love yourself you do. Even your self destructive tendencies are proof of such love. You love yourself not to feel pain and to do everything that is in your power to rid yourself of that feeling. We all use something whether it is alcohol drugs sex or just even people.
I struggle everyday because I do not know who I am anymore. For so long I have equated myself to the immoral actions and crazy zany adventures that I had for so long. How could I possibly be that person? I enjoy my sense of humor and sometimes as bad as it is I kind of do look back on my actions with nostalgia. I, however have grown as a person. I have a lot of meaningful people and friends in my life. I have love and I have God. It is hard to believe someone who was so anti religion and how this was truly the opiate of the masses has come to this conclusion.
One of the questions I get asked now is, “What if they prove this all wrong?”, “What if there is no God” “What do I get out of this?”, “What if Audrey and you do not end up together what then?” I do not know the answers to those questions. I wish I could answer with the certainty of my friend who when I asked the question of no God, he simply replied well that’s not even a possibility that I can think of. All I can say is generally speaking my life is not the shit storm it was 6 months ago. I am not the same person. That person could never exist again in me because I found something different. It is something worth believing in. I found something that loves me when I am not even sure when I love myself. I should not seek for the necessities in life. What will make me better? What can help me cope? However instead and simply “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33