Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Murky Swamp Part 2

My last reference is for those familiar with the Plato’s Allegory of the cave. Essentially, at its core it talks about environment and discerning what is truth? That is a very simplified version of it. If you want a good philosophical read I suggest it. There are tons of versions online. The reason I bring this up is because truth is so relative. Life before God is a life immersed in sin and just plain wrongdoing. Just read entries of this blog before this year and you’ll see how I was living like an animal. A wild lust filled animal. I have come very far but I have even further to go.

The truth of my previous reality was one made of purely a self gratifying whim living sex driven narcissist who care about nothing else but the next amusement and sometimes my friends (although I had a weird way of showing it). Now when my life has been that truth for so long that it’s almost been ingrained into my genetic code of just how to function reversing it seems almost downright impossible. The equation was actually quite simple. Drink till numb + No Morals = Great Fuckin time….for a while it worked actually for a long while it worked until I met someone worth changing for; until I met someone to question that equation. While I am no longer with that person, what I found is something amazingly beautiful…God.

Long story short I changed the equation to God’s Grace + God’s Law = Better Life….the thing about that is, it aint easy. This formula entails so much its overbearing at points and if you’re not firm in your faith or as your faith is as C.S. Lewis so eloquently puts it “like a house of cards.” I fight against God more than I fight against sin. That’s a problem that needs rectifying and I am not trying to rationalize my disobedience, but trying to understand it so I can fix the problems not just lament on them.

I think I have come to crucial understandings in my faith and it reaffirms everything I am going through. I have had several verses to help me through each stumbling. Sometimes I do forget them, but they are good to hear over and over again. I have good solid mature Christian friends who advice and wisdom is something I can take to heart. I have good regular friends lol…regular that made me laugh….that still can counsel and give me what I need. Friend’s who’s loyalty and trust can only be describe as a work of God. God uses people Ant…I believe APH told me that one time. So even when I am discourage that a friend won’t come to my baptism it’s ok because God loves me and no matter what ; even when I turn my back on him he still has his hands on me. I write this as I am about to go to a party and I know myself too well but not as much as God knows me. So we shall see. Bottom line is thank God for the work he is doing in my life.

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