Pray for Me, and others

Reinhold Niebuhr's "Serenity Prayer"

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Pray Pray Pray

My pastor’s statement: "If you are a believer and struggling with a certain sin, it's because you choose to remain in that sin."

My response to this statement I put on his blog.......

There is always a choice no matter what. The true matter is what do we use choose the answer to the question. There are two things, emotion and facts. Everything can be bottled down to those two elements. If I respond with emotion then chances are I am going to continue in that sin. If I respond with fact chances are I will not. Fact is that God has freed us from sin. God tells us we are free. Our emotions do not. Our emotions power, although sometime unrealized, has but a small hold on us. God’s grace is unlimited and it’s ashamed that when faced with temptation we tend to respond with such a limited and narrow view. This was an interesting and thought provoking post. God does give us weapons against sin too. John 5:4-5 "Everyone born of God overcomes the world."

Guess who's back...back again :)

My name is Anthony Diaz and over the years I have defined myself in numerous ways. Many of you are aware of several of my antics and have even read about them in this blog. I thought about scrapping this blog and starting anew, but then I thought, why on earth would I do that? I think one of the great benefits gained from blogging is seeing the growth of a person. So, 2 shots of Jameson lives on.

While I been gone, I’ve had a life altering experience. I am a Christian. This in part means, accepting Jesus as my lord and savior and repenting to God for my sins. I know several people are going to say, “Yeah, sure, Anthony, a Christian hardy har har!” I assure you friends, this is not a joke. I started this journey because I fell in love. Let me confront my cynic’s thoughts right now. When I began my journey, I had no idea that it would lead me here. But I am glad that it has. I have read several books of the bible and I am still trying to read more, although as of late, I have not been as dedicated as I should be. But every day, I take a step in the right direction.

The writings of C.S. Lewis helped tremendously, as well as Pastor Brendan Saunders. I felt an understanding that I did not quite get before. I use to write off all Christians as weirdoes and people out of touch with reality. While some Christians are…hypocrites and liars and etc, it is unfair to judge an entire faith on the actions of a select few, but rather to try to judge the faith by its word and doctrines as I understand it. People are fallible its life. I was judging something on perception and not reality.

The start of my relationship with God is actually pretty interesting. I began by pondering the great mysteries of life, and it all led back to God I realized that God is the unlimited source of everything. I believe that human beings conceptually, can only reach a certain point in their lives. We need more to go further and beyond. We need God because in order to grow as human beings, we need a source greater than ourselves. While I still believe strongly in this point, I feel that there is another more powerful element of faith, and it is LOVE!

Love is a powerful emotion; it is a motivator, destroyer, creator... etc. People do crazy things for love and even crazier things from lack of it. All my life I have felt emptiness, a void a need, a desire, to fill the hole in my heart. To tell the truth, I filled it up all right, with booze, drugs and sex. I was never satisfied. The more I had the more I needed, or when I was satisfied, that feeling was short lived. It’s crazy. I do not feel that way anymore. I do not feel alone or angry or bitter. I love this. I use to think Christianity was for the weak, but it is not. It is for the broken, rich, and poor. God’s love is available for everyone.

With that said, people are probably expecting me to have this holier than thou kind of attitude. Let me be the first to say, I am man, a person, and I am riddled with mistakes, sin, terrible behavior, and language. Like I said, everyday I’m taking a step in the right direction. Some days are better than others. Being a Christian is not like switching on a light and all of the sudden you can see and blah blah blah. It is about humbling yourself before God, and realizing you’re work in progress. And let me tell you folks, I have a long way to go, and believe it or not I am pretty happy.

Highliner Drinkin'

My bar in Westbrook is the Highliner. I love that place. It is a classy dive bar. I love all the bartenders and they love me. I just figured its been a while since I had any halfway decent story so I am gonna write about my fav CT bar.

So one night as I was enjoying fine drinks at the HL. I saw one of the Denny's waitresses I had the lovely time of flirting and making outrageously sexed up claims with while I was drunk. She asked Matt T and I if our meal was satisfying and of course I blurt out "Not Sexually!" We hit it off I asked for her number blah blah hit her up once and a while nothing more.

So back to the HL she comes in give me a hug and we talk and thus begins the boozin. We do shots of jameson and talk and having a good time. One of the conversations leads to talking about loving womens breast milk. If you know me I am avid fan of lactating women. She was like Anthony I thought u were a nice guy. She of course has no idea. Later on the eve she sprayed this delicious scent on her breasts and let me motorboat her good times.

I eventually at the end of the evening did prove I was a good guy by following her home as she drove to make sure she got there fine. She knew I was following her. For some reason everyone asks that questions everytime i tell that part of the story. I love the highliner and some good stories do happen there.

Change dont come easy

The best way I know how to resolve any internal struggle is to write it down. Whether the pain is good or bad I still find the need to write it all down. Right now the pain is bad fiercely bad. My little brother has been to two rehabs and currently just failed his latest drug test and thus in violation of his parole. Currently he is staying with me in CT and I talk to him a lot. I want him to get better. My parents are frustrated and don’t know what to do exactly. I don’t know what to do. When I talk to him I try to figure out the why to his drug problem. I don’t seem to be getting anywhere with that. All I can hope for is a spark to change.

Life's not fair but you know that

I think this is the most therapeutic way I know how to deal with things. There has been so much going on the last couple of weeks and months I honestly do not know where to begin. I guess no time like the present.

I am pretty much hurting right now. I have not felt this way in a very very long time. It sucks. I closed a chapter in my life I was not ready to. That chapter brought me a lot of happiness and I hope I brought it some too. I know for a fact they are not feeling as crummy as I am and I think that hurts the most. Knowing that you give everything to someone and they don’t have to give you themselves in return is a very dangerous thing. Love is a very dangerous thing. I think back to all my crushes to all the women that have “had” my heart and I realize that I never made things easy on myself. All the women that I have pine for and that I know I could never have has never stopped me from trying. The women that I could have and wanted me are the same who I treated with disrespect and not a care.

This time was different. She said she cared for me. That she liked me and at the end she said she loved me too. Yet, I had to push her away.

The Bubblies

I find that my colon’s kryptonite is that of the wing variety, from hot to honey. Give me any amount of those delicious little fowls and I am likely to fellate the lot of you. However these little birds pay me back from beyond the grave with Bettlejuice insanity on my rectum. They bestow upon me the little gift known as the bubblies.

One of the most terrifying feelings in the world is the bubblies. You know what I mean. It starts with a small rumble/stomach gargle, then your brow and upper lip start to perspire as if you were just caught cheating on your wife. Like lighting it hits you that this shit is going down quicker than Justin Guarini’s music career.

It started early one October morning around 5am. A night of a wing feast to end all wing feasts had me soundly asleep. Instead of rumbles and gargles, my stomach was at war with itself…300 style. My stomach was hit with an invisible hot knife. Sweat began to bead off my face like a fat kid waiting at the ice cream truck on a hot summer day. I said to myself its nothing…sleep it off. My mind kicked me one more time in a stomach as if to say “Who are you kidding?!”.

I sprang to life, being that I sleep naked I had to find something to cover myself up before making my break to the bathroom. It was a frantic search for shorts and a t shirt. All the while my stomach kept on churning. I raced to the first bathroom only to find it occupied. I cursed the mighty Zeus for that. I felt the onslaught of shit coming quicker then one of my premature ejaculations. I raced to the second bathroom. I barely had time to position my cheeks over the throne as a hot stream of waste slide out my buttock. Pain and sweat was written over my face as I stared at myself in the mirror taking this mighty dump. As I type this now I tremble for the memories I tried to repress from that morning. It was one of the roughest moments of my life. I got up after barely surviving the rape of my digestive tract. My legs were weak from the fight and stomach hinting at the fact that there might be a second wave. I looked down to see the orange goo that laid in the bowl that could only be describe as gallons of what I could only imagine that Gerber carrot baby food looks like. I flushed and as I watch mounts of liquefied wings go down I was relived.

In close FDR said, “All we have to fear is fear itself.” Ladies and Gentlemen I add to that we also must also fear the bubblies. For like the Koreans, they can strike at any time and any hour.