I haven't posted in a while. I am typically an open book, while that is great in many aspects, it also dangerous. I have dealt with my public persona being who I "really" am for years. I think it has finally caught up with me. I have decided to quit drinking for the umpteen time. This time there are two very big and radical differences. The first being that I crashed my car. The second is that this time I decided to go to AA.
When I woke up to my damage vehicle with no recollection of how it happen, I realized that I needed to make a change. I've tried to do it on my own and ended right back to boozing more than before. Currently, I am at 46 days sober. I am a mental mess who feels like the only real progress is intellectual acceptance that I have a disease of alcoholism. I have learned a lot in my short time in AA. I've come to understand the multiple facets of the disease called alcoholism. Before I thought it was just about the drinking itself. Nothing, can be further from the truth. It really is about how we (the alcoholic) think. It is about suffering from the disease of more, its less demeaning name. I decided that I needed to start blogging again because I need to get out of my own head and give some relief to the debating society going on in my head.