Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Can't sleep

I have been trying to sleep for the last hour and I just can't seem to. I'm not overly concern with anything and I actually feel more peaceful today then I have felt in a long time. I read some of my AA books tonight and the pages I read were really really interesting. It was mostly dealing with spirituality and the concept of a higher power. Two sentences really struck out at me. The first was "we tend to suffer from our own intellectuality."

That was a pretty deep statement to me. I have always been my worst enemy. Too much introspection, too much dwelling on the could ofs and should ofs. Too many thoughts of where did I go wrong. Sometimes it's terrible to be conscious of one's own suffering and be "powerless" to do anything about it. Sobriety and the journey has definitely brought these issues to the forefront. The program is making me work on not only my thinking but my faith. Intellectualism has been a hindrance instead of a tool. I learned that I could make it an asset, the first step is to learn to humble myself. I'll talk about the next sentence in a post tomorrow.

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