I can't remember the last time I felt a spiritual epiphany. I find this very upsetting, although I must say I have been feeling an extra disconnection from God. I find it hard to pray because I do not know what to pray for. One thing gives me a little bit of comfort its the fact that I know that my faith even though I don't feel it, I know its not misplaced.I feel jaded and cynical. Not about faith, but life in general. I was reading my past entry on what I hope this year to be about. I don't feel that same hope. I don't feel a profound lost either. I don't feel depressed. I don't feel and that is what is at the root of my angst.
Anthony Diaz is used to operating on either end of the emotional spectrum and that is where I thrive for better or for worst. I find the dullness in normalcy to be unbearable. Life has to be more right? or does it?
My ambition and drive seems nonexistent right now. I cant pinpoint it. I find it frustrating. I want fire. I want passion. I want zeal. I need something to jump start me. I think the hopes of a possible relationship can do this or at least kick start me into the right direction. I hope once school starts my attiude has changed because I definitely don't want to drag these feelings into the world of academia.
Hey man, God isn't in the box of our feelings. When we are pumped up, he is there, when we are downcast, he is there, when we are bland, he is there. Thank God right? He is not far away. Pray for joy, pray for a deep admiration of the gospel that causes this joy and peace and zeal.
ReplyDeleteI was reading a book the other day that was talking about plodding but persevering missionaries.. the kind that dont get the highs and lows all the time seem to last the longest, living the normal day in and day out for Christ, and that was their biggest testimony. They didnt rely on crazy shenanigans to jump start them or cast them into anxious longing... I think that is my goal for the next year- stability and perseverance in the day to day.
But yeah, I hate that "disconnection" kind of stuff... never a fun time.