Today was a rough day spiritually and emotionally. I had a nice headache for most of the day and then out of nowhere my emotions came swirling in out of control. I have not felt this way in quite some time. I had serious thoughts on various topics the one I believe I will elaborate the most on is being an older brother. I have not been there for my younger brothers as much as I could have been. I think the fight I broke up between two brothers recently has this subject on my mind. My youngest brother seems to be doing ok but for the most part I honestly don’t know. I feel like I should call him more often. I feel like the kids I hang out with now I treat with more love and respect than I do my younger brothers and that realization today definitely hurt me. I witness to a lot of people but not my family as much as I could. My 2nd youngest brother is in rehab and I know I could be doing a lot more for him I really and whole heartily know I can. I texted my brother Dereck just to reach out to him and let him know how I felt this is the convo.
Me: Sup Lil bro
Dereck: Hey broseph, What’s going on jolly man.
Me: Don’t know man been thinking a lot and I feel I haven’t been there for u guys and I’m sorry I really am I’ve been a bad older brother.
Dereck: Man I’m thankful you’re my bro you got a life to live just like we all do. Would I like to see you more yeah definitely but you work and live in a different state not your fault man.
Me: Thanks man that means a lot for real
Dereck: Man all love, you doing all right man? how’s life?
Me: I’m doing all right sometimes I feel a little fucked up in the head
Dereck: You straight man, just do you and at the end of the day as long as you did what you had to do you can’t regret anything or blame yourself. Remember no one can fuck with what you earned and your self-esteem because it’s your self-esteem and what you think about yourself bro you dig
Me: I dig thanks D man love u man no matter what
God gives me tons of opportunities and I really need to start seizing them. I need to re-seize the opportunities God has given to me share not only God's love and grace with them but my own love for them. Most of all I do love my brothers. That is rooted in the very fibers of my heart.
Another side note. I wrote this as my status for my Aunt for her B day but it could be used for a lot of the people I know and friends I know in my life.
Happy Birthday to my lovely Aunt Delilah Fisher I think of the people I don't have in my life more often than the people I do have in my life. My Aunt is such an inspiration to me and I should never forget the influence she has had on me.
The line where I think of the people I don’t have in my life more often than the people I do have in my life touches me the most and means the most because I need to really see that the glass is half full and in the words of my younger brother…ya dig?