Nothing new

So life has been pretty much boring to say the least. It consists of working what seems like everyday and when not working drinking copious amounts of alcohol. I do have to say that I like my job. I like it a lot more than Haggar. I am coming up on the one year anniversary of my departure from the company. I was there for almost nine yrs. Its funny how time flies. I don't really have anything bugging me at the moment. I just really need to get my finances under control. I spend way too much money on ridiculous shit. I made two materialistic purchases which are pretty uncharacteristic of me. I brought a 39in tv just for the hell of it and a fancy watch to replace the one that was stolen. I want to buy my ticket to Florida and head down to see Kevo. I still got to figure all that shit out. Well I usually write an end of the year post but i still have some time on that one.

Show me the money

I took the money instead of walking away. I literally sold out. I don't feel bad though. I feel like i made the right decision. I think only time will tell that. I just wanted a quick update. Ill probably update some more later. 

Retail

Different companies will have different philosophies. Retail management for the most part stays consistent. I have done it for about a 3rd of my life. I am extremely comfortable with several things. I make OK money for myself. My work load is dependent on myself and if I continue to follow the company line, I undoubtedly will have a store within a year or so.

Where is the problem? Is it the consistency? Is it the lack of challenges that retail presents?  I am not sure. One of my best friends told me that his boss wanted to meet me. He wanted to offer me a job. I told him I wanted to meet with him. His boss is an interesting guy. After the initial meeting I felt a great deal of my core principles challenged. I couldn't articulate what set me apart in a retail setting. He wasn't looking at my resume, he was trying to figure out who I was as a person. He was just basing everything off of my friends recommendation. He asked me what I wanted and I felt the words spill out of my mouth. I said quite candidly that I wanted control over my life. Being an assistant manager I have much more less control than I did as store manager. As a friend pointed out it, I was/am a cog in a machine. I think its time I stop being a cog.  He was amazed I stayed at Haggar for 35k a year after being with the company for 9 yrs. I am not knocking Haggar, they made me into the man I am today. I gave them 9yrs of my life. I gave 10yrs to retail in general.

I always dreamed of moving on and taking my skills and talents to manage something else. This new job opportunity is partly that. There are several things, I would indeed bring to the table but I would also have a whole lot to learn. I feel the upside and potential here outweighs my current career path. I think my growth as a person would be substantial because I am going out of my comfort zone and making a bold life move while I am still young. Isn't that what this is all about. Keep learning. Keep moving forward. Keep progressing.

Friendship

I've posted numerous blog post on my friends. My friends are family to me. The good the bad the ugly we have each others back with animalistic like fierce. We have gotten older. Some of us are wiser. Some of us are crazier. Some of us are no longer here. I'm writing this post just to say simply to all my friends past and present, I love you.  If we dont talk anymore or seldomly that I still love you. 

Bible College

Earlier this year I was pretty set on going to bible college. I wanted to learn the "church ops" field if there is such a thing. This kind of relates to my earlier post about dreams. I really believed in this goal. Something happened and I literally lost the taste and desire for God and the bible college. My life is pretty interesting. The opportunities and chances that are afforded to me are almost incalculable.   I'm disappointed in myself for letting something else slip through the cracks. I honestly am afraid of speaking about anything else out loud for a fear of a conscious self delusion. How fuck is that. I'm afraid to dream because I know in the end it will mean nothing. I guess that's why I've enjoyed watching the dreams of others. I've enjoyed the sidelines even though I may piss and moan about it. I'm not even depressed so I couldn't even say that's the reason for the apparent mental anguish.  I really wish I knew the remedy for this. What was it for Neo? Taking the blue or red pill. Somethings gotta give. Some mental epiphany.

Dreams

Just sitting here and watching breaking bad in my Aunts living room. I'm enjoying the relaxation and just personal day. I've been pretty restless the last couple of weeks. My friends have noticed mild changes especially coming with an idgaf attitude. I'm really upset I'm not in school right now but I don't know if that's really really what I want. I was kind of inspired by a person who is spending next year just living out her dream. The funny thing about dreams is that most people just have one. One dream is what people usually hang onto. The hardest thing for me is trying to find one dream. One thing to put all my energy behind. I'm really starting to think I'm a dream junkie. I just want to do it all. I just want to accomplish everything. We as people are limitless but often times it is that limitless that limits us.

Elizabeth

My car was broken into twice. They really didn't get much but got lucky. I want to get out of the hood but I do love being here. I just wish things like this didn't happen. This puts a black eye on a community that otherwise should be proud. I remember the way I felt when my granny got car jacked. Man I was out for blood. I think it was a bunch of kids that got into my car which is even worse. Its worse because it starts this small for them and then they upgrade and do bigger and worse crimes. They need mentors or a stronger family structure. I am glad that God has given more and shown me more existed than the block I lived on. I'm going to start praying for my hood.