The Chronicles of Ant : 2007

All in all it was a great night depsite the crazy moments in it.

So I confess a great error on my part. I let one of the associates drink on his break to begin our night of drunken debaury.

After work we headed to McSwiggins our new favorite drinkin spot in hoboken.
Carlos and the beautiful id manage to work a high point in any pre21 persons life to actually get into a bar and manage to get drinks.

So we all get completely hammer and just had a pretty good time. Thers a lot of details IM leaving out but i figure a semi update is better then having this black for a whole two months.

So the last party was kinda of a disappointment but as unusual there were plenty of high points mixed in with a bunch of crazy random shit.

1. Carlos took five shots of Bacardi to the face after he had been heavily drinking, At which point Abe challenge him to a game of Edward 40 hands. Carlos in between consciousness was able to kill one bottle before vomiting.

2. Abe started to puke at the same time however began to vomit on Carlos's head which he stated, " I thought I could puke through him!" Abe is a monster when he is sober and he is a monster with personality when drunk.
Abe (to random guy): Hey whats your name?
Random guy (begins to speak)
Abe: It doesn't fucking matter what your name is, I'm Abe Lee bitch!

3. 2 Drunken Couples decided it would be a good idea to take a shower together. In which I opened the door to catch a chick in her bra and panties and the other couple making out good times i guess?

4. Carlos passed out under some table got up and decided he needed to pee on the wall for a min and a half then hug the TV then pass out on some speaker which pretty much sums up his life in a nutshell.

5. We all enjoy listening to people have sex.

6. Shaun drunk dial our boss left him a voicemail calling him an asshole.

7. Carlos makes the list again... After watching the bathroom escapde we return the living room where Carlos has his pants down to his ankles and Eddie is telling us to remain silent so Carlos could make his point. Turns out later all Eddie said to Carlos is that his point would sound better if his pants where off Carlos agreed and took his pants off.

Oh what a nite......

SO everyone knows Im not the nicest of people and I typically hate anything that opens its mouth.

-I abandon Abe because he tooked too long to come outside once.
-Ive choked him once because he made one fat joke too many although he said a little bit of semen came out pretty nasty.
-I mock him constantly for his crazy actions.
-I talk about how I would have sex with his sister and then tell him about it.
-I occasionally call his mom a whore but he does too so ehhh.
-New people that we meet we immediately tell them about Abe and the crazy shit he does so they have an informed opinion about him.
-I ate his lunch once

So as payback Abe licked my Hot Pocket without me knowing and then watched me eat it.
That is all.

So Abe forgets his house keys and decides to wait for me at my house so he can sleep over. Being that I was out and about he ended up waiting 2 hrs which in the 2 hours he decided to chase stray cats talk to strangers on the hospital steps so forth and so on. Then after all of this he decides to break into his house through the basement window. Recently he also likes to take pictures of random women in the park haha.

Almost been a month and some crazy shit has been happing.

I finally got caught by the heat which thank god for Newark Police she was too lazy to tow my car so she gave me 3 tickets and let me be on my merry way.

Abe is still crazy recently was caught video taping himself making cat noise in the back of the store. He also has pictures of coworkers and random girls from the bus on his phone. What a creepy bastard.

Shaun got a new whip rich bastard lol its a women's car but he loves it lol.

I'm slowly working on getting my licence back and I should have it by Friday hopefully if all goes as plan.

Me and Crystal had a little falling out over some stupid facebook note but were sorta talking again I guess whatever.

I got stood up I guess for a sorta date its a long story and deserves its own post.

So I locked my damn keys in the car and so wut do i do I get a damn wire hanger n a butter knife to open it sounds reasonable right. Well I break my damn car window got ma keys though

So Abe n Shaun begin their conquest of the beer pong tables and they started out rough as Abe never played and was still sober for the moment. Then as he began to pound down each cup for Shaun was the DD and he couldn't drink so Abe had too for the both of them. Abe downed more and more slowly turning into the monster that we all know him to be but yet nothing NOTHING could stop his burning desire for the W the victory at the game. The first win came slow the second a little faster and then it was time for the trifecta. Could this man child finish it and go for the hat trick. Shaun made the first cup Abe the next three and just as the rain man of beer pong was about to take his next shot a slow rumbling began and then Abe projectile vomited into Shaun's face trying to cover his mouth but it was too late Shaun was in ruins and I was hysterically laughing

Abe gets drunks and dances nothing unusual about that however this time the man runs towards the wall and does a back flip and lands on his face gets up victoriously and then passes out for the remainder of the evening.

I got a promotion at my job making me feel like a million bucks. Customer walks in begins to unbutton his pants so I might be able to determine what kind they are.

I have dinner at Rob's house where Shaun makes an ass out of himself by txtin something fucking crazy to Rob's phone.

I gave Mu a mild concussion resulting in a new bet that asks the question which one of us will be injured first at the next football game?

I finally contacted the police department concerning my suspended licence which was suspended in September I only drive to work. So I have 10 tickets and owe like a G

Blades of glory was great.

Whats in stored: Tommorw I'm going to a party in New Brunswick, Next week is Mu's B Day, and I need to pay off my tickets.

So Mu comes picks me up today when i noticed he had an ace bandage on his hand n wrist n im like wut the fuck happen to u. So he tells me how he went out to the neighbors house to borrow some sugar at 1am and was accosted by two gentlemen then one of them calls mu a fag and he saids come down here n say to ma face and then one of them actually does and wut does crazy ass mustamirr do HEADBUTTS him ma god ma god.... So the guys friends comes and chops mu in the back of the neck. Mu using quick like reflects takes the guys arm and flips him over. Now the headbutt guy gets up and mu rams his head into the side of a car. Then Mu squares up and fights the other dude. Now this be a lesson to pple dont fuck with a man walking around at 1am for no reason.

So Abe comes into work wearing his usual bum clothes however this time around theres a white substance on his pants and thus begins another tale in our nonstop Abe saga. So Abe begins to tell us how he needed to get a quickie in before work and did not realize that some of the aftermath of his extracurricular activity had gotten on his pants. So were pretty much like Abe you jerked off and nutted on ur own pants and still decided to wear them to work. His reply, "yes!" We instantly said u sick motherfucker. God dammint Abe u crazy sack of shit.

So I had a rough week and decided the best way to finish it off was by having a gathering of friends and playing some drunk monopoly. It was one of the funniest shit talkin games ive played in a while. And of course by hr 3 we were all tired and gave up good times good times. Everyone deserves to play a drunk game of monopoly.

Ok ok so I get bored very easily and when I'm bored I'm game for anything. One particular night me and mu decide lets go play pool as normal but lets see if Shaun wants to come. So I know he was working that night and i figure we go see if hes down before we head out. So he tells us hes going to his grandparents house and etc etc. Well I figure hes lying because Shaun lies to us for no reason. So anyway i say lets fucking follow him as he leaves. So of course Mu going against his better judgement says OK. So we wait by his car and then mu realizes he running out of gas and the fuel light comes on so just as we pull out we see Shaun and his mistress come out of the mall (LIE 1). So we get to the gas station and we figure that Shaun drives slow as shit verses mus nascar racing road crazy style that we could catch up to him. So i txt him pool hall and then he eventually calls me saying hes game and hes at the dnd at market so me and mu race over there bam we see his mistress n his car waiting. So then we tail him so more til he parks somewhere in the iron bound to begin to do ungodly things. Long story short Shaun Swore that all he did was drop her off and head home. (LIE 2) Why lie when ur friend is crazy and he wud do stupid shit like follow u out of boredom.

The group consists of my three closest friends. People that can say anything they ever want about me or anyone in my life. Mustamirr Ryan Tahri are the members of the group. Tonight Ryan Mustamirr and I went to Tops and I havent seen Ryan in a while but hes one of those friends we cant see each other for 20 years and then see each other and its like we never skipped a beat. So on the way back I ride with Ryan and he starts tearing into me about school. It kind of doesn't help that tonight going to my Aunts house everyone seem to care about everything thats going on in my life. But back to Ryan everything he said sunk deep at one point he said that he wants more for me then for his own brother. I mean shit like that is deep. He wants me to live up to the dreams that everyone wants for me. Everyone Everyone in my life wants me to achieve this goal this endgame status of savior but I dont see it I dont I guess I cant and It likes wut the fuck do I do what the hell im happy now but tonight his passion for more for me put doubt in my mind about my future. Had it been anyone else I wud have been like to hell with them but because it was ryan Im starting to question it all

I figure since something crazy doesn't happen everyday in my life, I'll devote every Tuesday to a past event that was ridiculous and crazy.

So I decided to write this Memory Blog about my past 21st birthday party. It all started when I received a phone call from my New Brunswick friend Kara saying she challenges me to Edward 40 hands for my birthday. Now to those unaware of what exactly the Edward 40 hands challenge is.. it is a where a man gets 2 40's duct tape to each hand and he is not allowed to remove either one until both are finish....trust me it makes going to the bathroom very interesting. So back to the party there was only one other drunkard ready to take a challenge with me and his name is Carlos Delgado.Carlos began strong by breaking man law and taping my beer bottle which sent my bottle overflowing.He began suckling his bottle like a gerbil drinking from a water bottle. Whereas already started the competition drunk was struggling to keep up. Carlos was finished bottle one whereas i was barely half way. I was cursing Kara for this devilish competition were my soul and mind spinning in a circle. Long story short i ended up throwing up the drunkenly eaten doritos in the bathroom and carlos beat me unphased from the contest. I challenge those readers to embark forward and u take the Edward 40hand challenge.

So as normal we decided to take a random driving trip. However as we been to damn near everywhere in Nj we decided to pay our humble boss a visit in Belmar around 11ish at night. So we of course dont tell rob about our suprise visit the plan was to get out take a picture of robs house then text him the picture of his house. So what happens is Shaun couldnt get a picture of the house so we drove around to get Mu's car lights shine on the house so Shauns there trying to get a picture and then all of the sudden one of Robs neighbors came out and then Shaun sprinted towards the car and the guy began to take off his jacket and run towards the car. So Mu's does the black thing and peels off. Shaun didnt get the picture and we got chase by a crazy white man which ended that great idea. That was our first and last visit to Belmar

So what a boring and uneventful week but before I get into the Abe and cell phone guy story, I went to the circus which was interesting because we got box seats and the frig was full of beer and yes I admit I drank half a beer then I realized that it was 11:30am and I was at the circus with my best friends family yes yes sad I know.... The one cure to the boredom was the movies on Friday in which Abe did something crazy as usual. So were at the movies watching 300 when someones cell phone goes off and its some annoying 50 cent song. So while in a white movie theater people ignore it and keep watching the movie, however in Jersey Gardens movie theater an uproar begins and people begin to shout at the guy. The cell phone continues to ring and ring finally we start to taunt Abe to handle it because hes the craziest and the person who pretty much has nothing to lose. In standard Abe fashion he rises slowly then carefully walking down the steps, listening, carefully homing in on the sound and then found the guy was asleep and woke him and told him to turn it off and then the whole theater applauded Abe for his heroic work.

So what a boring and uneventful week. Before I get into the Abe and cell phone guy story, I went to the circus which was interesting because we got box seats and the frig was full of beer and yes I admit I drank half a beer then I realized that it was 11:30am and I was at the circus with my best friends family yes yes sad I know.... The one cure to the boredom was the movies on Friday in which Abe did something crazy as usual. So were at the movies watching 300 when someones cell phone goes off and its some annoying 50 cent song. So while in a white movie theater people ignore it and keep watching the movie, however in Jersey Gardens movie theater an uproar begins and people begin to shout at the guy. The cell phone continues to ring and ring finally we start to taunt Abe to handle it because hes the craziest and the person who pretty much has nothing to lose. In standard Abe fashion he rises slowly then carefully walking down the steps listening carefully homing in on the sound and then found the guy was asleep and woke him and turned him to turn it off and then the whole theater applauded Abe for his heroic work.

OK, so pretty much my life revoles around 6 or so people.

Shaun Dolan aka the token white guy.
Mustamirr Hagler aka the suave pimp like guru.
Abraham Lee aka Hannibal Lector aka crazy motherfucker aka he will eat your skin for a $1.
Rob aka my boss.
Maria aka boss #2.
Melissa aka dumbass coworker.

From time to time additional people come on the scene but these are the main people in my life and this blog is pretty much a dedication to the random crazy shit that happens in my life and how each night will typically end at dunkin doughnuts or as we like to call it DnD.

The Chronicles of Ant

Monday, October 1, 2007

Mc Swiggins Round 2

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Fuckin Party Man

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Words Cant Describe it so here it is

Words Cant Describe it so heres a video

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Hotpocket of Death

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Once again Abe proves to be the craziest man on the planet

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Quick Recap

Friday, April 20, 2007

How I broke my car window

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Shaun snd Abe's first beer pong game

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Past Couple of Weeks

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Mu takes a walk

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Abe and the stained pants

Monday, March 26, 2007

Drunk Monopoly

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Saturday, March 17, 2007

The Group: Ryan

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Memory Lane Tuesday: The Edward 40hand Challenge

Monday, March 12, 2007

Us versus White Belmar Guy

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Abe versus the Annoying Movie Cell Phone Guy

Abe versus the Annoying Movie Cell Phone Guy

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Introduction