Be careful who your friends are!

Something I tell my younger brother all the time. It is a very hard lesson to learn especially where you grow up. We like to think of ourselves as individuals and we do not let any one person or group of people affect our decisions and moral compass but it is just not true. The quote “No man is an island” is absolutely true. We rely on relationships intimate and un-intimate a great deal. This is a trend with the younger generations who seem to embrace the big generational gap. They hold more stock in the values of the group of friends rather than the values from home. I know the values of my home personally were shit but its not true of every home. It is a sad state of affairs especially if you get caught up in a group that does not help you progress as a person and as an individual. I am happy to say that the individuals that I consider my friends have help me grow each year most importantly when it comes to my mentality on certain things. I know I have already typed a blog on friendship but sometimes important things need to be discussed more than once. I'll just keep it short. I really do love my friends.

God has put me in CT for a reason …..so why am I still fighting him!

This first part is from a testimonial I submitted to my pastor about the ministry year in review and Lighthouse in review.

I was thinking about seeing God’s work in people and feelings. I was looking at God’s work not only in my life, but also in the lives of others. I have to say I never felt more love then I do at this church. Especially, the people that have reached out to me and offer me simple things as a prayer or a smile or even a hug. My experiences with churches have always lead me to hate churches in general. Lighthouse has transcended all my conventional thoughts that I have ever thought about churches. The service the atmosphere the people it is all different. People talk about seeing God’s love in certain places and certain people. I have to say that I understand that now. I see God’s love and his hand all throughout Lighthouse. If it is the ideas that are thrown out to help the community or if it’s the prayers I hear, I just feel different about how I look at all churches and how I look at God. In short it gives me hope where I thought there was none. God’s rekindled a fire in me to do more for my spiritual well being. This fire would not have existed if not for the people and the community within the community that is Lighthouse Church.

Pastor Saunders used this as well as many of other testimonies today. It was interesting and great to see what Lighthouse has done this year. I am proud to consider myself apart of this church. My faith is growing and it is amazing that I found a church that is growing just like me. I should correct myself for that sentence. It is amazing that God has put a church in my life that I can grow with.

Philippians 2:12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,

I like to emphasize the part …..”continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. “ So as to me being in CT. I feel like I am helping those around me. I feel like I am getting used to this. I know I say that today and it could be a fleeting feeling I surely hope not. I pray that it is not. So far I have been able to bring 2 guys to Lighthouse. I talk about my faith with my friends and I have invited several to my baptism. It is weird being here. It is odd being at this point. Everyone knows the cliché the Lord works in mysterious ways. There is no better way to put it than that.

Why am I such a pessimist!

Being optimistic does not come naturally to me. In fact it is probably one of the most unnatural feelings I think I can feel. It is rough living life being the underdog when I know I’m not. Reading the bible has been a great help. I am amazed how people say that the bible is not relevant to life today. There are so many underdogs in the bible. There are so many people who just could not walk with God like they should have. I get so ashamed when I feel like I am not living the life I should be. It is not necessarily from my actions but my thoughts. Why can’t I think like a normal person? I mean that in the sense where I am not just constantly feeling down because of this reason or that reason. I look at my life and I have plenty of things to be happy about. The people the relationships and even memories so amazingly wonderful that I should get that deep and fuzzy feeling every time I think of any of those.

It is almost like the Ed Stetzer quote. "Stop trying to capture the glory of your past and find God’s vision for your future." I constantly am trying to recapture some glory from my past and that leads my thoughts and patterns into a backwards direction and an irrational thought patterns. Everything is so psychological and to control that is to control everything. Being a slave to your emotions is a dangerous thing. I have to fight as hard as I can. I know I can do it. I have the will and I know there is a way. Sometimes I stop and I try to tell myself, "You know Ant; life is not that bad!"

Direction

My thoughts on God

What Lighthouse Community Church has meant to me.

Sober or Not to be Sober that is my question

So I have been thinking about cold turkey sobriety for the last couple of days. I know a couple of years ago when I thought I had a drinking problem I went a whole year without drinking. After that year I thought I could handle it again. Recently I have been good. The major slip up I had was two Saturdays ago where I went in hard. 11 shots of Jameson 1 Snakebite and about 4 or 5 beers lead to a rough night. I have just been thinking about my life and how getting drunk has affected in numerous ways. I have reached this conclusion before but I thought moderation could handle it but I don’t think so anymore.

The lack of CT nightlife has ruined my resolve in believing that there are other alternatives out there. However upon further thought, this allows me to concentrate on my faith a lot more. The hard thing is I don’t want to be like a monk living in solitary just mediating on things. I want to be apart of the world and affecting the world through my actions. It’s like the 2nd verse in the passage I like. “In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.” Psalm 3:6 So I need to come up ways of how I can occupy my time with doing a work for God or representing God in some way. Especially at night on the weekends when the urge to go to a bar is strongest.

One of the things I remember APH telling me is that the bible doesn’t say anywhere that we shouldn’t drink it just does not approve of drunkenness. While I do enjoy drinking I understand what it leads me to. It leads me to have lustful thoughts bad thoughts and even worse it definitely provokes me to act on those thoughts. One of the reasons I have loved alcohol for such a long time is that is provided me with a solution to my never ending thought process by dulling it and making my mind a blurr so I was unable to focus on any mental pain and anguish I was going through. I have even thought about taking pills for depression and anxiety and stuff but so many people say its simply a mental thing and that I do not want to rely on such things.

I replaced alcohol with so many other things time and time again and now that I have God in my life I think I have come to a final solution as it be. I can’t replace this drug with people because just like the drugs themselves people tend to fail you too. I can’t replace it with anything materialistic because again material things are only temporary. It balls down to this quote C.S. Lewis: “God cannot give us happiness apart from Himself, because there is no such thing.” This just has been working on my heart and I hope that God willing that if I do decide to do this I know it won’t be easy but again Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”